Last night I sat glued to the tv for the season premiere of my long-loved show 19 Kids and Counting. Season before last we watched as Jill (the second oldest daughter) was pursued and proposed to. Last season we watched Jill get married and Jessa (third oldest daughter) be pursued and proposed to. As the season begins this time, we see that it will mainly focus on Jessa's wedding and Jill's pregnancy (yes they got pregnant month 1 of marriage). 

I felt sad for Jana (the oldest daughter) during Jill's courtship engagement and wedding (in which she was the maid of honor). I felt sad for her again during Jessa's courtship and engagement. But tonight as I watched Jill announce her pregnancy, my heart broke for me and my heart broke for Jana. 

I saw the cover photo for 19 Kids & Counting with Jessa & Jill in front with Jana standing in the background with the rest of the family and for a moment I felt like her. There are many articles accusing Jana of being the Cinderella left behind and talking of bitterness & jealousy in ways that I don't imagine she would confirm. I don't think she's standing in the background cursing in her heart the sisters getting all the spotlight at the moment. 

She loves them. You can tell by the way she serves them. But that doesn't mean it's easy.

What the media misses when they talk about this situation is that in Christ, we can wrestle with bitterness, jealousy, and contentment without being overcome by it. She doesn't have to be lashing out at Jill to be crying at night. She doesn't have to avoid giving congratulations to feel the sting inside. 

I don't know Jana personally so I can only guess at what she feels. But I can imagine what I would feel... because in different ways I feel it now... Though I'm a huge Jill fan, it was hard to hear that she got pregnant the first try (when I 've now been trying 1 year +). Doesn't mean I'm not happy for her or that I don't think it's awesome. It's just hard to accept.

That's where I am in life right now. There are many people around us who are making big announcements on Facebook and celebrating the joys of expanding families. I hear it in conversations with my church family, friends, and family. People don't recognize the hurt I feel when they're talking about my friend expecting. My Grams doesn't know how hard it is to listen to her talk about my cousins adorable boy. My sister can't see the heartbreak I experience with every picture of her with my step-brother's precious son (with the cutest head full of hair I might add). But here's the deal.... I LOVE LOVE LOVE those babies. I think the world of them.... even the ones not born yet. I love their mamas and daddas and I'm so so thrilled for them. But in the midst of all that love and joy.... I feel left behind.

Even as I write this, I recognize that there have been times when I was the one doing the leaving behind. It's the way life works. I think about dear friends from high school and college and ministry teams who are still waiting for relationships, engagements, and marriages. While I know they love me and I know that they were thrilled for me when Joel came along, I realize that many of them probably felt/feel left behind. 

So friend who feels left behind by the people in life around you, there are a few things I want you to know. 

This is life.... there will ALWAYS be someone a season ahead of you and a season behind you. 

You might be the first in your friend group to graduate from college but the last to get married. Or the last to get married and the first to conceive. The first to conceive but the last to get into a house of your own. The first to get a house of your own but the last to get a job promotion. 

It's natural to feel and think "what about me? when will it be my turn?" 

While it's natural and the feeling most likely won't disappear, we must fight to not act out of it. We must wrestle with not harboring bitterness an self-centeredness. It can hurt and it probably will hurt, but you don't let that overtake you. For as long as you can you be the bridesmaid, you plan games for the baby shower, you attend the graduation parties, and you help pack for the moves. When your heart can't bear it any longer and you know need a break, you ask for one.... they'll most likely understand.

Most importantly, your story matters. 

So maybe you're not in the limelight. So maybe this season isn't featuring you. Your story still matters and God wants to use you right where you are. Whether in a season of waiting or a season of receiving, He sees your heart, He knows your story, and He wants to use them both. 

You're season is coming... it may not be next... but it is coming. 

Dear Single Sisters,

Before you write me off thinking I'm going to tell you to stop waiting for the perfect man, read on.

First of all, I want you to know that I think of you often... I think of you when you're bridesmaids in weddings and when engagements pop up like flowers around Christmas. I think of you tons around this time of year when everyone seems to be celebrating their someone. I know many of you don't mind it, some of you ignore it and some of you insist that it's the worst holiday ever. I remember those days and I want to share a piece of my heart with you. 

I met my husband at 22 and got married at 23.  

Most, I've come to find, would consider that young. But it didn't feel young to me.

Maybe that's because the tiny town I call home tended to have people married off by 20. 

Maybe that's because most of my friends dated through high school and were engaged through college.

Maybe that's because everyone in the world seemed to be asking me, "so have you met anyone yet?"

But I would dare say it was largely in part to my lack {and by lack I mean non-existence} of dating.

When I was 3 months shy of 23, my now husband took me on my very first date. 

Yep... you read that right. 

It's something I'm happy about now but I can't say I was celebrating it when I was spending many Friday/Saturday nights at home watching chick flicks in high school & college. 

In the midst of my {what felt like eternity} singleness, I got a lot of flack about my dating views and my expectations in a man.

(Which neither of I regret by the way.) 

Even the closest people to me would question my standards insisting that I was "waiting for the perfect man who would never come." 

I never get charged with a question to that degree without wondering if it's true.

So... I prayed. And I read. And I wrote.

It seemed that more I sifted through my standards, the higher my standards got.

The list that so many had tried to convince me to minimize only seemed to expand.

I'll admit... there were days I wondered. Days that I prayed over that list and wondered if he existed.

But then there would come peace. Confirmation that God had this all worked out. 

I saw many of my friends in destructive relationships wasting time, money and (worst of all) their hearts and that was one of my biggest motivations to wait. 

I realized I would rather be single and wondering than pouring out pieces I would never get back to guys that had no place in my future. 

I commonly prayed that God would not let a man pursue me and me enter a relationship with him unless he was my husband.

So all of those dateless nights?.... I was actually asking for them.

Here's the truth... as I'm sure you've been told a million times (just as I was), there is no perfect man but Jesus. 

And they (all those pushing you to rush into a relationship) are right about that. 

BUT what many fail to take into account is this....

"Every good and every perfect gift is from above..." (James 1.17) 

Catch that? PERFECT. 

No my husband is not a "perfect" man. But he is a gift. 

He was the "perfect" man for me.

As in, it's who God had chosen for me in His "perfect" will. 

He's the "perfect" Christian for me to minister with.

He's the "perfect" person for me do life beside.

He's the "perfect" parent for me to one day raise kids with.

In God's "perfect" plan, he is PERFECT for me.

My husband met every standard I had down (including be willing to save kissing for engagement AND excited to have however many kids God gives).... that's a God thing right there.

I have seen His beautiful faithfulness & goodness in this area of my life and my worry is that there are Christian girls (young & old) dating and, even worse, marrying men that aren't perfect for them.

Not because these women are offering grace to men in their morality. (Which they should be.)

Not because they are setting low standards. (Which they shouldn't be)

BUT because America, the church, families, friends and people who are brief acquaintances are telling them (and you) to "stop waiting for the perfect man."

So single, Christian woman... I'm telling you something different.... 

"WAIT FOR THE PERFECT MAN."

Get a piece of paper and search through Scripture to see qualities of a godly man.

Go listen to sermons about Biblical manhood and what it looks like. (There's a great series here.)

Watch your dad, pastor or a man you see Christ shining through and pick out qualities about him.

Look into your own life & heart. 

See your shortcomings and look for a man who is strong in those areas.

Think on your passions and missions and desires for future and find a man who wants to live that life with you.

Decide your convictions and find someone who has similar ones.

And then... most importantly ... PRAY.

Ask God to show you what standards to set.

Ask Him to give you the patience to wait.

Ask Him to make you merciful to those who try to stop you.

Ask Him to prepare your husband and help him wait as well.

Ask Him to teach you grace for the areas that he will fail.

Ask Him to mold you into the woman your husband needs.

Ask Him to bring His perfect gift in His perfect timing... 

not matter how many evenings of Ben & Jerry's it cost you.

He will be worth the wait (as cliche as that sounds).

And the truth God speaks into your heart during the mean time will be invaluable. 

With love, 

While on the way out of town after Christmas adventures, Husband & I sat down for breakfast across from one of my dearest friends. She & I were the inseparable duo all through high school & though life has pulled us all over in the last 5 years, the friendship still remains. As we sat there in Chick-Fil-A looking at the year of ahead and the year behind, it was funny to compare them to where we dreamed we would be.   Setting high career goals and pursuing post-graduate degrees were pushed & expected when you sat in the top 5. So we, of course, went with the push. We didn't know any better.  I can look back & see that those dreams were birthed out of the American Dream, the drive for ambition, & the expectations of those around me.  Please don't misunderstand. I did & still do have a passion for taking care of people, a zeal for the study of the human body, and a desire for soaking up as much information possible. While I do think that passion, zeal, desire was given by my Creator, I can look back and see that the aspiration of going to medical school was not from Him.  I think God leads many Christians to be excellent doctors for His glory but it wasn't what He was telling me. It's what I was telling me. What the American Dream was telling me.  God brought me to an altar where the only acceptable sacrifice was my dreams.  I can remember standing on the right side of the auditorium when the band at The Well started playing a song that haunted me for months to come.  One line it rang in my head over & over  & over.  "More than all of my dreams, more than fame, I will seek you Lord."  These beautiful words of surrender penned by Hillsong can still stall my heart to this day. I spent many hours that Spring of 2012 asking the Lord,  "am I really seeking You more than all of my dreams?" I wasn't. And I knew it.  I knew it from the moment I heard that song and got a pit in my stomach. Fast forward 2.5 years later after laying down my dreams/degree/desire, following the Lord's leading to Delaware, marrying the man of my prayers, & about to take many new huge steps in my life.  In the meantime of sacrificing self-absorbed dreams, God has been birthing new dreams & goals in my life. It it with slight hesitancy & great fluidity that I begin this week on posting about dreams.  Since laying those huge dreams on the alter, I've been reserved about writing down, outwardly expressing, or passionately pursuing new dreams in my heart.  I blame this partially on fear of recreating my own pursuits again but if I'm being totally honest here, this has been partially due to fear of failure.   In this last year God has been showing me that NOT pursuing the dreams He has birthed in me is just as sinful as pursing the dreams He has not.  So here I am putting my dreams out there.  Holding myself accountable.  Proclaiming that "Here.I.come."  Here I come with fear that I won't make it. Fear that I'll at some point grab the reigns. Fear that I don't have the talent or the resources. Fear that these dreams will just be a list.  Fear that they'll never be accomplished. Fear that they will.  But don't worry. I'm also coming with faith that He will get me there. Faith that He'll keep my dreams constantly on the altar.  Faith that He is sufficient to use me. Faith these will be more than just a list. Faith that they will be accomplished. Faith that He will get the glory.  So join me tomorrow as I share my 10 {somewhat} secret dreams. Dreams that I'm going to start proclaiming & pursuing. Dreams that will shape this year for me. Dreams that will constantly be on the altar for God's taking or His leaving.  What "dreams" have you chased in life that you later saw weren't from God?  Do you struggle with following the dreams the Lord has birthed in you? I would love to hear! 


I'm writing about renewing my dreams today as part of a link up with The Peony Project. The Peony Project is a community for women who love Jesus, love blogging, and are looking for a common space to share ideas, encourage one another, and make real, honest friendships with one another.

There are so many great memories I have from college.... even though nursing school was crazy busy and slightly overwhelming with work, cheerleading, pre-med electives, and a social life. As with most seasons God always provides as least 1 person that can settle you from the craziness and bring life back to the central focus... Jesus. One of those awesome people for me in college was Lauren. We attempted to have weekly lunch dates in the campus Grill. It was our time to take down the fences and be completely real about stresses and friends and dreams. We spend many hours over burgers, wraps, and diet coke sharing about our testimonies and our classes and of course, our hopes for future husbands. Here we are now a few years later.... Me from VA, Lauren from Ohio, and us having met in TN... We are both married and living in the North East. For even a little more background.. It was Lauren who got me blogging in the first place. So on to our story...

One day while at lunch Diet Coke (which she & I both LOVE) got referred to as "fuel for life." It became our phrase. We would say it any time we saw each other with a cup, while getting it from the soda fountain, or when sipping on it in class. To this day, I very rarely get a Diet Coke that I don't think about Lauren & I saying "fuel for life."


While we joked that Diet Coke was our "fuel for life," if we're honest, we substitute a lot of things into our lives that take the place of Jesus - our true "fuel for life." Yes, I'm going there. He fuels our lives, which means he fuels our marriages, blogs, ministries, work ethic, attitude, desire to take action in serving others, and our online presence. He fuels all of us. As much as we often pretend - our spouses, praise from others, coffee, exercise, studying the Bible, food, etc. are not what fuels us. They simply can't. Jesus is the only one who fuels us because he bridged the gap we could never cover ourselves, he gives us new life through his death and in all of these things, he sustains us.

He bridged the gap we couldn't cover ourselves.

He gives us new life through his death.

In all things, He sustains us.

You know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. - Deut. 8:3

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:4-5


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Did you experience that kind of community in college? What do you tend to replace Jesus as your "fuel for life" - coffee, friends, approval, your spouse, your parents, grades, success at work, etc?

Lauren and I teamed together to share this post with you! Be sure to go check out Lauren at her blog! She has all sorts of goodies over there from fashion to blogging to DIY and of course lots of Jesus!

The sun was coming through the window behind me on that beautiful Thursday morning. It was one week before Valentine's Day of 2013. I was sitting in the living room of my friend Heather's townhouse where I'd been living since October. How could I remember it was a Thursday?, you might ask. Well... Thursdays were a treasure during those days. I had only been living in Delaware for about 5 months and my schedule was COMPLETELY packed. Sunday - church stuff, Monday - online classes, Tuesday & Wednesday - church office, Thursday - down time :), Friday - church office, Saturday - always something crazy going on. You get the picture... Thursdays were my sabbath. My day to have an extra long quiet time, catch up on my sleep, and do whatever I felt like doing. Some of those days I spent babysitting the sweet 8 month old twinpack... honestly that was more like therapy to my soul. Some of them I would bake... like all day.. also therapy to my soul. And some days I would go do some visiting.

Babysitting had been cancelled for the day so my agenda included an EXTRA long quiet time, lunch, and visit with the Troutmans. It was during my quiet time that my cherished Thursday shifted from relaxing to convicting. From the beginning of the year I'd been working through Lady in Waiting for the 2nd time around... trying to keep good perspective on my singleness. Also in my quiet time I was following a read-through-the-Bible plan. In both pieces that morning, thankfulness & contentment seem to be the pounding themes.... which left me asking the question...  
God am I not being content?

Please understand... I DEFINITELY wanted a husband... like right away... but I also felt very content. My life was full with ministry and friendships.
I didn't sit around crying eating Ben & Jerry's day and night.
I wasn't crying pleading for a man every hour.
I felt very content.

So again I asked the question... God am I not being content in my singleness?

He spoke something in my spirit that made my heart tighten and my head drop.....
I'm not asking if you're content in your singleness... I'm asking if you're thankful for it.

Dunn. dunn. dunn.

Que the waterworks.

Truth is... I wasn't.

 I was content to be where He had me but I was by no means thankful to not have a man in my life.

Be thankful in all circumstances, He reminded me.

That all sounded fine and good but how could I be thankful that I didn't have something I was asking God for?

Anyone else out there feel me on this?

I didn't know how it would happen but I made it my mission.... to become thankful for my singleness.

That afternoon, I headed out the door to visit with my friend Emily and her super sweet kids. At they time she had a set of 3 year old boy, girl twins who loved to play with their tag along 1.5 year old baby brother. It was just the spark I needed in my afternoon.

As the kids played, Emily and I chatted about her previous role in full-time ministry to college students. Her face lit up as she talked about her job and what a joy it had been in her life. I couldn't hold back... I asked the obvious question... why did you let that job go?

What she said put it all in perspective... I got married and then got pregnant with twins. Please don't get me wrong Brandy, I LOVE this season of life but sometimes I miss the season of ministry before I had a family.

Her words were so honest and so beautiful and they made such a huge impact on my life. 

To be honest I was so overwhelmed by God's presence and His timing that I couldn't even explain to her in that moment how God had used her.

I remember getting in my car that bright February afternoon and pulling out of her neighborhood with tears of joy and thanksgiving streaming down my face.

So many times I'd left her home or the home of others and thought I can't wait to have THAT.

So many times I'd left with the memories of sweet smiles and tackle hugs and wish that were
MY season.

So many times I'd left content but surely not thankful.

But that day as I left laughing and crying in the presence of my almighty God.

I left loving every moment spent with in her adorable precious season but being THANKFUL that was not my own.

Not because I didn't want to have to change diapers and have sleepless nights.

Not because I didn't want to chase toddlers and clean up toys all day.

Not because I don't think that raising my children in truth will be the greatest ministry in my life.

But because, I was thankful for the ministry He was using me in right then.

I was thankful for the chance to disciple middle school girls without worrying about dinner prep.

I was thankful for the ability to be involved in many ministries without neglecting a home.

I was thankful for the chance to meet and counsel young adult women not feeling like my husband would feel 2nd priority.

Am I telling you that the longing went away? Absolutely not.

That was February and Joel didn't start pursuing me until July (mind you we got married in October).

Those 5 months before him I still greatly longed for a husband.

But I longed out of a thankful and content heart.

If you hang around here in my Sweet Aroma very much, you know that my heart has been doing some longing this past year. You know that I've been longing for our family of 2 to grow to 3 or 4 or 5. While I try to be very transparent in my longing and my prayers and my hopes and my thoughts, I also want to be transparent in my thankfulness.

If I were writing the plan, I would have already conceived...
but I'm thankful that I'm NOT writing the plan.

I'm thankful for this time to spend free time with Joel and grow our marriage through this trial.

I'm thankful for the added appreciation I have for pregnancy, babies, and children in general.

I'm thankful for the sweet women I've got to bond with who have been or are on this journey.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to pray for them, encouraged them and be also encouraged by them.

I'm thankful for the truth God is speaking to my heart and the hope He fills me with so lovingly.

I'm thankful for this season.

Even when I'm crying. Even when it's been a bad day. Even when it seems faith is hard to come by.

I'm thankful. I'm content. I'm longing.

"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

1 Thessalonians 5.18

"for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."

Philippians 4.11
"O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you."

Psalm 38.9 

What is that you're longing for that you are also thankful you don't have yet?

     There... I said it. Some of you may have simply opened this blog because you wanted to find out what would posses me to say the word SEX.  But for those of you who may not have known me in high school or college, let me give you a little back story...   After getting saved at age 11, I was quickly thrown into youth group 1 year later. I'll never forget being in the church fellowship hall the first time I heard SEX in church and it wasn't by my youth pastor or even in his presence... but rather from one of the teens sharing her latest adventure with her boyfriend. I remember being embarrassed, leaving the room to "use the restroom" and being even more humiliated when I came back to find the group still laughing about the details. I was the youngest in the group and they could immediately tell I was uncomfortable but no fear.. she reassured me that it was "just like test driving a car before buying it."  What I saw then as my "good girl conscious" eating at me, I later recognize as the Holy Spirit speaking loud and clear. Please don't take this the wrong way... I don't look back and think "how dare she" or "why didn't she commit to purity?" I'm not here to judge her lack of conviction on the issue, I'm just trying to show you how SEX became a bad word for me.  It made me feel uncomfortable.... mainly because every time I heard it was during a romantic comedy or inappropriate conversation... This always resulting in that yucky feeling I now know as conviction.  It wasn't until I was 15 with a different youth group that I actually had it explained in a setting that didn't make me want to run out to "use the restroom." That year my youth pastor started a True Love Waits study at our church called "Living Pure Inside and Out." For the first time that I remember,  SEX wasn't a bad word or a conversation avoided by married Christians but yet explained in all of it's beauty. Those Sunday nights spent chilling on couches in that run-down youth house changed my view forever. We were finally not just commanded as young people NOT to have sex but WHY we should wait TO have sex when we were married. We had the tough conversations of "how far is too far" and "how to say no before even being asked." After the study was over, I committed to waiting on the Lord and keeping my body, heart, and mind pure through His strength.  This only made me and my best friend (who also committed) the total black sheep when it came to many conversations. I can remember many awkward conversations at the lunch table where I sat red-faced and shaking my head. All of my friends knew about my commitment and conviction.  I was the "Christian girl" and even more strange ... "the virgin." I don't want to paint a false picture here.... most of my friends respected my choice. Some even found it honorable. Attempted persuasion or mocking were NOT a common occurrence.  In my close group of friends taunting persecution was not the struggle. The struggle came in being referred to as the "perfect girl." You know the one that didn't drink, smoke or have sex.  Because of this eventually conversations changed.  Some avoided the topic. Some were secretive (as if I wouldn't find out). Some dismissed me as too inexperienced to understand. None of which I minded too much. As I got to college the conversations developed into.... Why are you waiting? Wait until you start dating.... then get back to me. Well let me give you a piece of advice on sex..... (yeah you're not who I want it from).   Thank God before my wedding I was blessed to have a few married Christian women talk with me in a God-honoring way that didn't make my stomach churn.   When I really realized the issue though was after marriage....  let me give you a two examples:   I was at my five year class reunion this past summer. I hadn't seen most of these friends since becoming a wife. Being that many of us have transitioned from singles to marrieds recently some comment was made that lead to the word SEX being used.  What used to be a conversation I would have to shy away from was now something I could relate to.  It wasn't a long conversation about it or even anything more than a joke referencing the married couples, but when the word SEX came out of my mouth I immediately felt some stares. One of my friends expressed out loud their shock that I would say that word.  "I just can't think about that," they said.    The 2nd example happened with a young adult in our church. After asking me when we were going to have a baby and if we were trying, I responded  with "we're doing everything on our end, just waiting on God." She immediately flipped out and explained that she couldn't think about that (wait a minute... didn't you just ask if I was trying to have baby? You're 21... you do know how that happens right?). Anyways she went on to tell me that she still wanted to think of me as "innocent Brandy" so she couldn't hear that.  I don't blame these two situations on the people who made the statements.... rather I blame them on the Christian people in their life... I blame them on myself. As Christian men and women we have allowed the word SEX to become a bad word. We have allowed movies, television, novels, magazines, and sexually active singles lead the conversation and perception of sex. Instead of talking about it an appropriate context, we don't talk about it at all. This leaves all of the influence in the hands of people who don't treat SEX as the beautiful, holy physical union given by God for husband and wife.  We leave it to the pastors or the youth pastors to briefly skim these topics with out youth. Here's the deal... it's not just their job. And it's not just the youth that needs to hear about it. What broke my heart specifically with the second conversation was that she simply couldn't hear/think about it because in her mind it made me loose my "innocence."  We've set this up so that singles can hear about it from those unwed and sexually active or the superstars or the soap operas or the romantic comedies.  But they can't hear it from someone who waited until it was beautiful and wonderful with a man who waited as well. From two people who got the pleasure of experiencing it as God designed. What breaks my heart is that SEX as whole is seen as pure or impure. Innocent or guilty. It eliminates the conversation about the hurt in SEX outside of marriage and, even worse, the conversation about the beauty in SEX inside of marriage. I'm not talking about trying to share the personal details here. I'm talking about people not being able to even hear of married people having SEX.... REALLY? Like all of sudden it becomes embarrassing because married people have SEX? My sister made a similar comment last night trying to ignore that I'm married and have SEX. I simply told her that I'd rather her know from me than from her unmarried friends.  That's why I write this.... because I'm burdened for the young people being raised to think it's all or nothing. Good or bad. Right or wrong. Innocent or guilty. Pure or impure.  I'm burdened for the married people who may struggle thinking it's wrong or embarrassing.  I'm burdened by articles like the one about the girl who waited and wish she hadn't.  I'm burdened for the girls who are hearing it's just like a test drive.  This is not me writing to teens/young adults trying to convince them to stay sexually pure.  That is a blog for another time. This is me writing to two groups... 1. The singles and unbelievers..... please don't listen to and think on views of sex from everywhere else EXCEPT the married Christian. When they say the word SEX, stop making them feel guilty, embarrassed, impure, or inappropriate.  2. More importantly, the married believers... this blog is for you. Stop treating SEX as a bad word and avoiding the topic at all costs. Stop feeling guilty, embarrassed, impure and inappropriate when you are open that you and your spouse have sex. Stop neglecting the beauty in God's great gift. We need to be the influence. We need to have those talks with our teenagers and young adults. With our children, siblings, and little sisters in Christ.  With the dating, engaged and newly married.  We need to stop talking about SEX as a bad word. We need to start talking about SEX as the blessing it is from the Lord when received in marriage.  Titus 2:2-7: Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned.  

One year ago yesterday Joel picked me up to take me on a date in celebration of 1 month of dating (yes, we were that couple haha). He had taken off early to take me down the beach. I found this a little strange but all of this was new to me so hey why not? Once we got there we went to this hole in the wall Italian place that was SUPER yummy and then Joel took me to walk on the beach. Looking back I see the signs but in the moment I wouldn't let myself think that I could possibly be getting engaged.... but Joel did have something in his pocket (very unusual for him) and his hands had been awfully sweaty at dinner. Not to mention how distracted he had been all evening. So we're walking along the beach and a conversation starts about how nervous I was when we first started dating, which led to him asking how I felt about him then a month later, and next thing I knew Joel says, "I adore you and I want to spend the rest of my life serving Jesus with you. Will you marry me?"
WHAT!?! IS THIS REAL LIFE?!? I remember dropping my purse in the sand (which Joel finds hilarious), screaming OF COURSE and practically tackling him... which really wasn't the best idea considering he was holding this precious, valuable ring in his hand.... which of course I knocked in the sand. Yep.... story of my klutzy life. After what he describes as the longest minute of his life, he found the ring place it on my finger and bent down to share our first kiss. People on the beach cheered and took pictures for us. It was a perfect moment (ring loss and all). We left there to get ice cream, where Joel pulled out his work calendar and we set the date for October 26, 2013... 2.5 months away. We left there thrilled to call our friends and family and share the news. Most people were so excited but completely shocked. We knew we were crazy... and definitely not the norm but we also knew it was right. Neither of us needed or desired the traditional 2 years of dating, 1 year engagement. I LOVE our story and honestly it all happened so fast that many don't really realize the timeline of it all. I especially hesitate when I talk about it with young girls because I no means think that engagement after a month is appropriate in every situation. I don't care if adults think we are crazy but I would never want a young girl to rush into something she isn't ready for thinking that it's the best way. All that being said, here are a few reasons why I said YES after only 1 month:   1. We had waited, prayed, and prepared. When we started "dating" I was 22 and Joel was 25. At that point neither of us had ever been in a serious relationship and I had never even been on a date. Not that there had never been interests along the way that either didn't work out or eventually became non-interests... but God had laid on both of our hearts at an early age that dating was for finding a spouse. In those years before Joel I hadn't spent my Friday nights on date after date and I wasn't continually hopping from boyfriend to boyfriend trying to find the right one. I was praying, and so was he. I had a specific list based off of Scripture of characteristics I wanted in a husband and I prayed over it believing God for the godly man I desired. We had also prepared. Joel's preparation looked different than mine. He had settled down, bought a house, and made sure he was prepared to provide. I had been reading and studying godly dating, courtship, Christian marriage, and Biblical femininity for 3 years when Joel had come along. We also became friends first. Joel and I met in February. While we didn't become close right away, by April he had started hanging out in our friend group and we had observed each other in friendship. Joel prayed very specifically about asking to date me for a month without showing me any signs until the couple days before.   2. We had clear intentions in dating. Joel says that God confirmed for him that I was his wife before he ever asked to date me. Thank goodness he didn't reveal that to me because I would have totally freaked out haha. He did hint at it though. When Joel met me at Starbucks to have "the talk." He didn't ask to "date me" or call me his "girlfriend." After listing all the reasons why (traits he saw in me, prayers he had been praying, and counsel he had approached), he asked if he could pursue me with the hope of making me his wife. Bold much? So from day 1 we had a common goal... determine if we were supposed to get married. Not that we didn't have fun! Dating was so much fun... but that wasn't our goal. We tried to be very intentional in spending our time together to make it less about the physical (not kissing helped here a lot) and more about asking the right questions. Within the first 3 weeks of dating we had discussed all of the things everyone says you shouldn't talk about right away. We talked about what we wanted a family to look like, how we felt about birth control, what our views on tithing were, our doctrinal beliefs, homeschooling, household roles, family history, and more. We quickly realized that all of the things that seemed crazy to most, we had in common. The vision for our lives was headed on the same path... so why not do it together?   3. We truly wanted God's will and asked Him for it. The day Joel approached me and asked if we could get together and talk I remember writing in my prayer journal Proverbs 2.   "My son if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." (v.1-6) I prayed that constantly... "God I am making my ear attentive to Your wisdom and inclining my heart to Your understanding. I am seeking You like silver and searching for Your wisdom as hidden treasures." I had prayed for years that God wouldn't allow me to be in a relationship with anyone that wasn't my husband. I had two days in between when Joel asked to talk and when we finally got to so I spent lots of time praying. After we started dating I wasn't just praying, "God, please let this be my husband." I wanted to pray against my flesh and any part of my human nature that would make me be out of God's will. I daily prayed, "God if this is not my husband, if this is not who You want me to marry, show me, show him, show someone who will speak into our lives. God, I only want what you want. Nothing else." I think in general in our lives when we pray for what our flesh wants it's hard to discern what we want from what God wants. After seeking the Lord and finding much peace and confirmation and also seeking the counsel of strong spiritual leaders in our church, we both knew what came next. So when Joel got down on 1 knee and asked me to be his wife, there was no hesitation on what my answer would be.   ~ Joel and I didn't date perfectly. We are both very imperfect people. But God being so rich in love and powerful in His sovereignty wrote for us a beautiful love story. One that I'm proud to share. What I love about God is no 2 look the same. I had two close friends that got married this summer both with BEAUTIFUL love stories that look nothing like ours. Don't be afraid to step out of the normalcy of the American way and hand the pen to the best Author in history.     You can see the full story of our relationship here at The Miller Love Story!
 

This past weekend my little sister graduated from college. It is crazy how quickly her high school years went by. I think her big moment hit me even harder because my own graduation came right before she started roaming those halls. Being there in my high school gymnasium flooded back memories. It took me back to the moment that I too walked across that orange carpet to receive my diploma. It took me back to the speech I made at graduation and how I though I had all the world figured out. It took me back to the moment that I decided where I was going to college after wrestling for months. It took me back to celebrating with my friends after and knowing that nothing would ever be the same. More than anything though, it reminded me of the girl I WAS. I was a small girl with BIG dreams. I wanted to be a doctor... an OB-GYN to be exact. I wanted to be a wife and a mom, in ministry to my community, and be a practicing OB by 30. I was determined and no one would stand in my way... and to be honest no one tried to. My family, teachers, and friends  were behind me 100%. Everyone was cheering me on for success. Though I had great intentions and so did many others who spurred me on, I fear that I deceived myself. Looking back on who I was, who I wanted to be, and what I viewed as success I realize that if I had pictured the version of me that I am now... I would have classified my life as failure. If you're new to my blog and don't know my story the short of it is this... After my 3rd year of college and a year of wrestling with God I gave in and surrendered my life to HIS plan. This led me to not complete my senior year, drop everything, move to DE to work for a church plant, be a nanny, and get married. These last two years have been an amazing journey, but if I had continued chasing "success" and  took the advice of most surrounding me... I would have missed it all. (You can check out the full story here at My Ministry Journey.)   So all that being said I want to give you my 2 cents. Hopefully your parents or teachers won't be tracking me down to blast me for this post... but I wish someone would have said this to me 5 years ago.     1. BE FLEXIBLE
This is complete contradiction to the "set your goals and do whatever it takes to get there" speech. I'm not saying you shouldn't set goals and that you shouldn't aim for success. The Bible does say "whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men" (Col. 3.23). However God also tells us that "many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand" (Pro. 19.21). Don't be so set on your goals that you are unwilling to follow where He leads you.   2. YOU WILL HAVE MANY DREAMS
I guarantee everyone reading this has received at least 1 card that has "Follow your dreams" written on it. If I had followed my "dreams" I would have been a doctor, missionary, songwriter, midwife, author, youth leader, lawyer, senator, teacher, and stay-at-home mom. Get my point? You will have MANY, MANY dreams. God at different times has beautifully woven some of those dreams into my life and I believe some He still will. However many of those were dreams that are not part of my journey and probably never will be. The cool thing is that all of the ones that God has weaved into my life have only been possible by the coordination of the Great Coordinator Himself. He molds your dreams to use you for His glory! Don't miss that! "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act." (Ps. 37.4-5)   3. CONSIDER YOUR POSSIBLE FUTURE FAMILY At the same time the majority of people are asking "so have you met anyone yet?" they're also saying, "Just focus on you. Get your degree, become successful and theing about having a family." This always seemed to baffle me. I did start college with the thought of graduating college and even medical school before starting a family. I'm not saying you shouldn't get a degree before getting married but I'm not saying you should either. I'm saying that as you make decisions as a young adult you should take in consideration if you desire to have a family. YOUNG WOMEN: If one of your biggest desires is to be a mom and you feel called like many to stay home with your children PLEASE do not go into debt for an education you won't use. Am I saying you sit on your bum and do nothing? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Learn a trade that you can do from your home. Become a nanny and learn more about raising kids. Find godly women in your community and ask them to mentor you. Serve in your church diligently. Learn to cook every meal you can. Clean houses for pay. Save your money! If  you do not feel called to stay at home with you kids then think about jobs that will not take you from your family crazy amounts of time. Pursue something you can do part time. Become a teacher. Research jobs you can do at home or make your own schedule.
YOUNG MEN: SAVE SAVE SAVE! You also should consider a future family in your career making decisions. Many men provide their family with extreme luxury but never invest time in them. Whether you feel led to pursue a degree or start working immediately or join the military, begin making provisions now. I hear my husband say to young, single men so often "save your money."
TO BOTH: Obviously you can't base your whole life plan on hoping to find a wife or husband. However if you do desire to have a family one day it is a crazy selfish philosophy the world has given to just think of yourself. "Let each of you not only look to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Phil. 2.4)   4. MEETING YOUR SPOUSE IN COLLEGE IS NOT GUARANTEED While on the topic of family... many will tell you that you will meet your spouse in college. I went off to a small Christian college certain that I would meet my husband there. The common phrase there, like many other schools, was "Ring by Spring." Not only was this crazy pressure to start dating someone but many of my friends who dated in college felt as if this must be the one because it was the perfect love story. I would have never guessed that meeting my husband would have happened the way it did. God is surprising. Don't limit Him. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are MY ways higher than your ways and MY thoughts higher than your thoughts." (Is 55.8)   5. THE BEST DAYS OF YOUR LIFE ARE NOT OVER
If you just graduated I'm sure you've heard that "your glory days are over." Don't get me wrong, I LOVED high school and it did hold some of the best days of my life! We had an extremely close friend group and I was involved in everything coming and going. BUT every season is what you make of it. Some of the best days have also been in the last five years... examples: moving into college, leading a dear friend to Christ, my first Sunday at LifeHouse, getting engaged, my wonderful wedding day, and sharing my first Christmas with my husband. I also know there are more "best days" to come. "Better is the end of a thing than its beginning... say not, 'Why were the former days better than these?' For it is not from wisdom that you ask this." (Eccl 7.8 & 10)   6. THERE IS NO PLAN THAT IS BEST FOR EVERYONE You are unique! God made you that way! Your stories are all different! The world wants to say the "the appropiate plan for everyone is High School, College, job or more college." I have a friend who gave up finishing her degree to be a stay at home mom. Another who didn't feel called to go to college right away so she served as a church intern instead. My husband and his dad both are in the military. I would consider all of these people successful in my book. Don't get tied down to getting a 4 year degree right out of school. Go where God leads you. If that's college great. If it is not... great too! "You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy." (Ps 16.11)   7. ENJOY! The message many new grads are fed today is "Live it up! You're only 20 once!" They're right but they're wrong at the same time. You should ENJOY life. Live life! Love life. However what many people are insinuating is "party hard, don't think about consequences, just have fun." Please don't take the next four years as a ticket to live drenched with sin having no regard for your Lord. I promise God will fill you up with joy and you can have many great times without every getting drunk, losing your virginity, or experimenting with sinful desires. Remember that you were "bought with a price" and you are called to live a holy life and there is pleasure in that. "You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound." (Ps. 4.7)   Here's the point... the point of this blog... the point of life... Seek the Lord, Obey the Lord, Enjoy the Lord! Follow the Holy Spirit on whatever crazy adventures He takes you on and don't be bound by any box the world puts you in. I pray and know you'll be blessed in doing that.