What if God does not provide?

Husband and I were on the last leg of our trip to San Diego. 
It was a late evening flight on the Eve of Thanksgiving. 
Most of the cabin (including Joel) was asleep. 
I couldn't seem to quiet my brain to join them so I pulled out my Bible, journal, and devotion.
The first real bit of peace and quiet I'd had all day. 

I was a day behind on my Thanksgiving series so I decided to play catch up.... 
Interestingly enough the 2 days were "Give Thanks in Plenty" and "Give Thanks in Want.
Just that morning I had shared my few day old letter to the Two Week Wait.
I knew that during our time with Joel's family we would know one way or the other.... 
Was my womb filled with plenty or filled with want?

The perspective from the devotion left me in tears. 
The moment held such chilling intimacy that's not predicted on a plane packed with passengers. 
As the tears faded and my eyes grew tired, I turned on my music, laid over on the window 
and hoped to get some rest.
I dozed off while dreaming of having good news to share with our California family.

But that dream was short lived... even shorter than I expected. 

I woke up on Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, to find out that my womb was filled with want.
My baby-home was still empty and next summer would not hold a child for me to hold.

I was awake with my thoughts for about an hour before Joel woke up. 
I laid in my in-laws guest bedroom with tears streaming as I filled him in that this wasn't our month. 
As I cried and prayed, the only words I could seem to find were ones I had written in my journal the night before while far above the clouds....

Though my womb may not be filled and I have no child to call my own, 
yet I will rejoice in the Lord. 
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

The reading had been in Habakkuk 3.17-18:
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, 
nor fruit be on the vines, 
the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, 
the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, 
yet I will rejoice in the Lord; 
I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

For Habakkuk.... God wasn't providing... at least not in the way Habakkuk thought He should.
I feel like that too sometimes. 
I keep watching friend after friend get positives while I am let down month after month. 

Satan comes with his daunting questions... 
"Why would you want to take joy in a God who doesn't provide? 
Why give Him your life and pray to Him when you don't get your request?" 

The easy answer is that "God always provides. Everything is in His perfect timing."
Tell that to my friend who's been trying 7 years and still has no baby.
Tell that to the man who's faith-filled wife died of breast cancer.
Tell that to the 9 year old girl who's mom is in her last days. 

The easy answer doesn't work.
But we can still take joy.

I take joy in His nature. 
He is good.
He is peace.
He is comfort.
He is life.
He is plenty.

I take joy in His plan.
His plan will be for our good, because"good" for us is that our lives bring God glory.
Sometimes that doesn't involve the path of least resistance.

I will take joy in His faithfulness.
Oh how He has greatly provided for me. I am so blessed with a loving husband, wonderful family, comfy house, and food galore. I am overwhelmed with a fantastic church, awesome friends, and a free country to enjoy them in.

I take joy in His salvation.
At the end of the day I can't be anything but grateful for redemption and salvation only found in Him.
That is my joy.
That is my reason.
That is enough.

I wonder if you too know of something you've been asking God for that He hasn't provided yet.

So whether browsing on you smart phone or sitting behind a desk or having coffee with your laptop,
 I want to ask you to do something.

Pull out a piece of paper or open your notes app.
Write your own version of Habakkuk 3:17-18.

Though {insert your unfulfilled request},
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation. 

I pray you'll find it as freeing as I did.
I pray that you'll rejoice in Him even while the longing is there.
I pray that you'll take joy in Him due to who He is and what He's done and what He's going to do.
I pray you'll join me in pleading and praising all in the same breath. 
I would LOVE to read your version of Habakkuk 3:17-18.
If you are willing to share please comment, email, or share this post with your version!

(You can click on the devotion links to follow them to shereadstruth.com.)

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  1. Thank you so much for sharing this! I have been going through a season of my life where I have been asking God to provide for me so that I can continue in the career I love. I ended up having to take a part time job to make ends meet, and it's been disappointing. This really made me see how God is working even in this. Thank you for your openness!

  2. So blessed that God spoke to you through His word to me. :) praying that God provides and in the mean time you'll have joy and growth. It really is crazy how God is growing me in this season. I hope He does the same for you.

  3. Thanks so much Daisy for your encouragement.... Honestly, it was strange to me. I've felt an intimacy with God for many years, but infertility has deepened it in a way that baffles me. This is the first month I've had a tears, prayers, and praise all in the wake of the heartbreak. That divine appointment on the plane must have set the stage. :)


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