A Sweet Aroma

About a year ago we had our annual Women’s Conference at church and after spending a glorious weekend worshiping and learning and fellowshipping and praying, I really felt like God was encouraging my heart to “settle in.” If you followed my pregnancy updates or latest birth story at all you know that this last year and a half my mysterious health issues have been a challenge. I was about 7 months into them at the time of that conference and to be honest the last thing I wanted to do was “settle in.” I’ll spare you the details of all the symptoms and many doctors appointments and medical tests I’d already had done but in essence I felt like I was trapped in a room with no exit and I was frantically trying to find a way out.

That weekend God convicted me and reminded me that I needed to seek Him more than I sought answers and give more weight to His guidance than guidance from medical providers and be constant in prayer more than constant in researching. It wasn’t that I necessarily needed to stop going to appointments and seeking answers and even researching but it was that those needed to be in their proper place instead of the all consuming focus of my life. I needed to willingly surrender to where God had me in that season and trust that He was enough for me and He was still showing His steadfast love to me even in the midst of a trying season.

Fast forward and now here we are a year later. Similar symptoms and still no real answers to this medical mystery. In that time my body has given birth, nursed a babe, gone through plenty more testing and tried more potential solutions. I’ve had months with lots of appointments and months I just had to take a break from them all. I’ve had time I felt functional and had the capacity to do what needed to be done and times where I’ve not been functional enough and lacking in that capacity. Spiritually I’ve had times where I sought God’s face and felt total peace with where He had me and times when I threw an adult temper tantrum begging for relief or answers. And through it all He’s held me in the palm of His faithful hand. Through His Word and His people and His presence, He has encouraged me and held me up.

Most recently, that encouragement came through the book of John that I’m studying with some other moms of littles. In the midst of cleaning up potty accidents and bouncing babies we dug into the story of Jesus in the garden as He was being arrested by the soldiers in John 18. Jesus had told the disciples many times at this point what was ahead (the cross) and it even says in v4, Then Jesus, knowing everything that was about to happen to him, went out and said to them, “Who is it that you’re seeking? ” But Peter, being the zealous and maybe impulsive disciple he was, sliced off the ear of one of the guards. Now we know from other gospel accounts that Jesus heals this man’s ear, but Jesus also rebukes Peter in v11. At that, Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword away! Am I not to drink the cup the Father has given me? ”

That last line has been lingering in my mind for some days now. “Am I not to drink the cup the Father has given me?” The suffering that was ahead of Jesus was more than anything I’ll ever encounter and held magnificently greater purpose than anything in my life ever will. In fact, that suffering that was ahead of Him rescued me from the eternal suffering I deserve. Yet, while the magnitude of His suffering and the deep purpose of it certainly could never compare to the mere physical ailments pestering my body, I’ve been deeply convicted. If the Lord Jesus in all His power and deity and foreknowledge could walk willingly and submissive to the Father determined to drink the cup of suffering before Him, then certainly by His Spirit inside me, I can willingly and submissively reside is a season that I don’t prefer.

One of the other things that occurred to me as we studied this is that we know from the other gospel accounts that just before Judas and the soldiers showed up in the garden, Jesus was praying that God would take away this cup. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me — nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42) Here lies our perfect example in facing anything we wish we weren’t — Christ asking the Father to take the cup in full belief that He is able, yet also simultaneously desiring the Father’s Will above His own.

I don’t know what purpose God is working out right now and why He has allowed me to reside in this season. I can look around at many other “cups” and wonder why God has my sisters and brothers drinking those as well. Ultimately He has the power to remove any cup and I am invited to pray boldly and ask Him to do just that. But the heart posture even in my asking should be “nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done.” Nothing changes for me in a practical sense. I’m still seeking Him on direction in this journey and still asking for healing or answers or both believing that He’s fully able to do so. What does change is the posture of my heart and the acceptance of His cup when I submissively and willingly say “Am I not to drink the cup the Father has for me? Not my will but Yours be done.”

And even as I do drink a cup I don’t desire, I have so much I can look around and be thankful for (a list that could be a long musing by itself.) But number one at that list is something we see David pray in Psalm 16:5-6: “Lord, you are my portion and my cup of blessing; you hold my future. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.” Regardless of the cup we hold (of which I’m sure mine seems like tea with honey compared to some of yours), we as believers of Jesus Christ also have the Lord as our portion and our cup of blessing. Because of the cup Christ drank, I have a beautiful inheritance in Heaven where there are no cups of suffering to drink and the peace that comes with knowing that truth is unmatched by any earthly relief.

For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worth comparing to the glory that is going to be revealed to us. — Romans 8:18

In the beautiful way that God does, He reaffirmed this in my heart now three weeks later while reading Suffering is Never for Nothing by Elizabeth Elliot (which I 100% recommend). Finishing up the chapter on Acceptance she says “Whatever is in the cup that God is offering to me, whether it be pain and sorrow and suffering and grief along with the many more joys, I'm willing to take it because I trust Him. Because I know that what God wants for me is the very best. I will receive this thing in His name. I need pain sometimes because God has something bigger in mind. It is never for nothing. And so I say Lord, in Jesus' name, by Your grace I accept it.”

Around this time last year we found out that our sweet surprise was indeed a girl and would even the Miller family count. It’s hard to believe that the tiny baby in that picture is who we now know as our lovely Massey Ruth. We’ve been snuggling her in our arms for 7 months now so it’s well past time that I get her birth story documented.

(read the story of us finding out I was pregnant HERE and the story of her gender reveal HERE)

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This pregnancy was quite different than my others. My health was a struggle and had been before I even got pregnant. We had already began searching for answers for my extreme fatigue and weird hip issues beforehand (along with a host of other things) and it seemed even harder to find answers as a pregnant patient. But thankfully in the midst of being passed from doctor to doctor and test to test, Massey Ruth was always healthy and seemed completely unaffected. From a pregnancy standpoint, there were no issues. And we were very grateful for that.

As I neared the end of pregnancy with still no answers and some tests that needed to wait until after birth on the agenda, my midwife started talking about induction options. She felt confident I would induce easily given it was my 4th and I had induced successfully with my first (at 34 weeks due to preeclampsia). But I certainly prefer more natural routes over medicated ones and after having such a smooth birth with Cora Mae (yes even in the van), I struggled to consider forcing my body into something it wasn’t ready for if the baby wasn’t showing any signs of needing out. My midwife was open to going as early as 37 weeks and attempting more natural methods of induction but I knew the longer we could hold out the better off baby would be and the more likely I was to not need pitocin. We decided to just take it week by week but knowing that induction wasn't an option at 38 weeks because that was VBS week and the majority of our support system would be tied up every evening.

Here’s a couple things for context before I begin the ups and downs of those final days with our sweet girl on the inside. First, my prior two pregnancies I experienced prodromal labor… which is essentially contractions that come in waves but are patterned and increasing in intensity and last through positional changes but never get close enough or strong enough to cause actual dilation. With Malachi I had this for almost 2 weeks before we kicked real labor into gear with some adjustments and castor oil and lots of prayer. With Cora Mae it lasted about 4-5 days before it slightly shifted and then BAM quickly shifted. Which brings me to my second note for context, Cora Mae’s labor turned on a dime and I gave birth to her in the back of my minivan on the side of a major highway 6ish minutes from the hospital. And the combination of these two past experiences definitely heighten the drama on the “am I in labor?” game.

June 17th | 37w6d

I had an appointment with my midwife first thing that morning and we made a plan that to check me and make a decision on induction the following week at my (almost) 39 week appointment. Afterwards we were supposed to be heading to the beach for the day as one final beach trip before baby. The next few hours were hectic to say the least. Our grocery order got delayed and eventually had to be cancelled so we stopped to grab groceries for the cooler to take on the beach. We (our 5, my mother-in-law, and our friend Liv) were spread between two cars to get to the drive on spot and then all piled in the truck for a very bumpy drive out onto the beach. I joked that this would be what put me into labor. We got on the beach and started setting up but we started being bombarded by flies like we’d never experienced before. We hoped that as we pushed through and got set up they would leave us alone…. but they didn’t. They were biting us all… like to the point my ankles were bleeding. Levi’s crying saying “This is the worst beach day every.” It’s comical in hindsight but in the moment was miserable. To add to the saga, the wind kept blowing down our umbrella’s and we were getting nowhere with getting set up. At some point Joel finally called it and suggested we load back up and head to the boardwalk for the afternoon. Pizza and rides and ice cream certainly got us over the frustrations of the morning.

As we’re eating ice cream I had a couple painful contractions (unlike the Braxton Hicks ones I had been having for a few weeks) and felt some sort of a pop. When I went to the bathroom I was quite wet. Now mind you, it was mid June and in the high 80s. I was almost 38 weeks pregnant and we have 3 other kids we were taking care of and our entire day had been fairly chaotic. All that being said, I to this day feel quite confident it wasn’t from sweat or urine but in the midst of that crazy day who really knows. We got loaded up to head home and I continued to have contractions every 10 minutes or so on the drive. On one hand I could easily assume that the wild day we had put me into labor and it was go time. On the other hand, I feared that it might be the beginning of prodromal labor.

After talking with Kristina (the friend who delivered Cora Mae ha), I decided to eat some food, take a shower, and go to bed. I knew that if was the real deal they would wake up me and I wouldn’t be able to lay through them. But that never happened and after about 24 hours of contractions coming consistently but never picking up speed or intensity enough to head to the hospital we made the assumption that I was indeed in prodromal labor again and that my experience on the boardwalk must have been a partial water break or a surprising contraction with some leaking.

The next week was a wild ride of rising and then dissipating contractions, VBS every evening, and exhaustion on an entirely new level. The worst was that at some point every night (usually between 3 and 5am) I would wake up to contractions that kept me awake for an hour or two but would never force me out of bed in pain. I’m not normally one who’s desperate to be done being pregnant but that week certainly had me at my breaking point.

June 24th | 38w6d

My midwife checked me and I was “maybe a fingertip dilated” and she was unable to strip my membranes. Cue the disappointment. I knew this didn’t mean labor wasn’t soon as I had a similar experience with Cora Mae but I had hoped to be dilated enough for her to do a membrane sweep and know that if I did opt for induction I wouldn’t need a foley bulb (used to get you to 2-3cm). In the least overstepping yet pushy way my midwife highly suggested we schedule my induction for her hospital day on the 29th when I would be 39 weeks and 4 days. I have a great relationship with my midwife and really trust her opinion and she really respects my desires. She was willing to let me go to 40 and 5 (her next hospital day) if I chose but she knew that with all of my health issues, the added stress of prodromal labor had me in a very unwell state. We decided to schedule a “natural as possible” induction for the 29th with the agreement that if I changed my mind I would just cancel it.

The next few days consisted of prepping my body for labor as much as possible: ball sitting, magnesium, a pedicure, lots of Indian food, red raspberry leaf tea, and numerous adjustments. It also consisted of lots of mental debate, prayer, and conversations about whether or not I should actually go through with the planned induction. I’m incredibly thankful for that group of people that wrestled through those days with me with much grace and understanding for my constant indecisiveness. While I can’t possible describe all the pros and cons of each way, I’ll give you a quick view of the things swirling in my head….

No induction. — I have a deep nerdy love for natural birth. Call me old fashioned. Call me crunchy. I find it beautiful and miraculously designed by the Creator. If not for medical issues I would absolutely go for a home birth. And even though Cora Mae’s birth was wild, I got to experience a birth with no intervention and it was so smooth and part of me just wanted to have a similar experience again. (Just not in the back of my minivan. 🤣) I also am just a firm believer that labor goes smoother when your body is ready on its own time and statistically, induction increases the risk of c-section. All that being said, in normal circumstances, I try to push induction off as long as possible in hopes of giving my body the best shot of going into labor on my own.

Induction. — The key in that last statement there is “normal circumstances” and very little about my body had been normal for the previous year. The roller coaster of health issues I had been through was difficult to explain, especially given that it’s yet to be diagnosed. I was beyond exhausted between the health issues, constant appointments, parenting the my 3 littles, and now prodromal labor on top of it. To add to that, I wasn’t sure how my body was going to respond in labor given the state of my health. And all of that together made me extra desperate for my midwife to be the one there for the delivery. She knew my health situation. She knew my birth desires and respected them. And I trusted her enough to know that if she told me interventions were necessary, then they were.

Normally when I need to make a big decision, I feel like God makes it abundantly clear. But I wasn’t getting that clarity this time and so I decided on Monday that we would proceed as scheduled unless the Lord made it clear I shouldn’t.

June 28th | 39w3d

With induction scheduled for the next day, I wanted to take the day with the kids to have some fun and enjoy the time with them as much as possible. We went swimming with friends and soaked in our last pool day for a while. After dinner we took the kids out for ice cream and stopped by the store for the makings of a castor oil milkshake. That had been enough to kick my prodromal labor over the hump with Malachi’s birth so I was open to trying it again.

After we got the kids down to bed, we watched the finale of a Chopped tournament on food network that one of our friends was competing in. While watching I was drinking raspberry leaf tea and pumping to try to get contractions stronger before I did the shake. But unlike the few times I had done that over the weekend, my contractions didn’t change much. At that point I considered just forgoing the castor oil but decided it was worth the shot.

I finished the castor oil around 10:30 and that began a good bowel cleanse and some intensified contractions. I gave it some time to make sure they would remain intensified before I started timing them but they continued to be 2-3 minutes apart and strong enough to be uncomfortable.

June 29th | 39w4d

Around midnight we decided we'd rather go sooner rather than later and not play the "when should we go in" game all night. This decision was even easier given that Joel's mom was in town with us and ready to go on kid duty at any moment. Once we got to the hospital they checked me and determined I was 2-3cm. This was great progress from Friday and made me very encouraged that I wouldn't need a foley bulb even if my contractions did slow down. But thankfully they didn't and the nurse informed they would get a 30 minute strip on baby and send me to walk for a little while to help progression.

During that 30 minute observation, they noticed Massey Ruth was having some decelerations on the monitor that they weren't comfortable with. They had me do some positional changes and such but were still concerned enough to make me hang tight for monitoring. Around 3am they decided to go ahead and admit me. Her decels were less frequent but she didn't have the variability they wanted to see. By this point my concern had turned to frustration if I'm being honest. Laying still in a certain position for the monitor to read through contractions on the triage stretcher bed was quite uncomfortable and I was completely convinced (and still am) that her heart rate was "off" because of the strange positions they had me in that I never lay in. Also they used their concern to force me to have an IV put in even though I didn't need any medicine currently. I tried to explain that my veins are very finicky and often blow and I haven't had great experience with them in the past but she wasn't hearing of it. I digress.

Once they got me upstairs to the floor my nurse was much more compassionate about my "birth wishlist" and assured me that they would have me up and out of bed as soon as they could. I stayed on the monitor and worked through contractions laying down for next couple hours while Joel tried to sleep a little before I needed him. I felt the need to pee every 10-15 minutes because of contractions and fluids and also still drinking water and eating ice. I would try to put it off as long as possible because I hated paging my nurse that often but the more I would put it off the worse the contractions hurt and the longer this went on, the harder it was to manage them in the bed. Around 5-5:30 I finally called my nurse in and told her I could no longer lay on my back and if they could get me positioned with the monitor sitting up then I would try to stay as still as possible but I needed at change. At that point she felt Massey Ruth's heart rate looked okay enough to try the portable monitor. This allowed me to get out of bed and work through contractions sitting on the ball and standing and brought about so much relief for me in working through contractions.

At this point, my friend Kristina texted to check in and we discussed her getting ready and heading on in the next bit. Shortly after the contractions intensified and I had to wake Joel up to start helping me through them by letting me rest against him between and rubbing my back during them. After about an hour out of bed the nurse came in and said that Massey Ruth's heart looked great on the monitor and didn't seem to be having any issues. I felt SO THANKFUL that she was doing well, the portable monitor was working (they can be quite finicky sometimes), I had a nurse who cared about my preferences and my baby's health, and that I was able to manage contractions out of bed. At that point I started napping between the contractions every time I could get a chance and soon after Kristina arrived with coffee and a warm hoodie for Joel since I was freezing him out ha.

I continued resting between contractions. My new nurse had come on and she was great and so supportive of me laboring out of bed in the calm and quiet with my worship music. My midwife also came by and said she didn't even want to check me or mess with my water breaking until she did rounds on her postpartum patients because she felt confident transition would be quick. She also said that she was so glad when she saw I was admitted and had come on in the night before because apparently there was a bit of a baby boom that morning and some of the inductions had to be cancelled due to capacity. (Thank you Jesus and castor oil! HA) By the time she left I was really ready to get in the shower so my nurse capped my IV and taped me up. During the wait we also sent Joel to grab some CFA for breakfast. At this point I was incredibly relaxed. Water is such a relief to me in labor and I actually laid my head over on the metal bar and slept for a bit. Joel returned and yes, I did indeed eat my chicken biscuit sitting on the ball with my back towards the shower. It was right about that time that my midwife came in and was ready to get things moving. She found it quite comical and also very typical of me to find me chilling in the shower eating CFA. She knows me well.

Around 11:15-11:30am, when she checked me I was only 4cm. I KNOW you're not supposed to use the word "only" there but that is certainly how it felt. I had been having contractions every 2-3 minutes for about 12 hours at that point and I had only progressed 1-2 cm since they checked me around 1am. But... this was similar to what I did with Malachi too and while I'm thankful that castor oil can push me over the hump of prodromal, it's still certainly not the same as my body going into labor because it was ready. She broke my water and I got back out of bed and swayed through contractions while she and I chatted. Even during those first few contractions after my pain had gotten much worse and I could tell I really needed to get in the zone of working through them. She left saying she was certain it wouldn't be long and she'd be back in soon to catch her and I just hoped she was right.

I headed back to the shower to sit on my ball and focus on managing pain. By 11:50 I was moaning and really starting to feel the intensity, especially in my back. After several contractions standing and sitting in the shower I decided I needed to try something new because the water was no longer giving me any relief. I went and got on my knees on the bed and laid over my ball (the position I was in when I gave birth to Cora Mae) but after 2 contractions I couldn't even manage to stay in that position. I hopped off the bed and was squatting in the floor and I said to Joel, "I don't know if I can do this." At that moment he knew we were very close. I was feeling pressure and communicated that so they pushed the call button. But even then I was doubting if it could actually be time. I remember Joel saying that it was probably time and me saying "There's no way. I was only 4cm just 45 min ago." He comically replied "What do you mean there's no way? We had our last one in the car on rt 1." Valid. haha.

Kristina encouraged me to get back up on the bed because I felt "pushy" and as soon as I climbed on the bed on all fours, I knew she was coming out. Joel ran in the hall to get someone, anyone (because him and Kristina had got their fill of catching last time haha). Thankfully the nurse made it in as her head was coming out and was able to catch as I gave one more push. She was born at 12:26pm. My midwife made it in a couple minutes later and joked that I really must not want her to actually catch my babies haha.

The relief that came in that moment with her out and safe and hearing her sweet cry and having her snug on my chest drinking in her lovely features is really indescribable. I get emotional even trying to relive it here 7 months later. So much gratitude. God had faithfully brought she and I through a very trying pregnancy and tiring prodromal labor. He had blessed us with an incredibly smooth labor and delivery overall and the most fitting birth team. The flood of thankfulness can't even be expressed.

We tried to soak her in as much as possible in that next 24ish hours of our time with just her. She was (and still is) just the sweetest little thing from the very first moment. The next day we brought her home to the most giddy, obsessive, loving big sibling trio you can possibly imagine. They were insanely nuts about her (like unmanageably so) and still are quite often. She's got a fan club for everything she does. Lately she's been blowing raspberries on command you'd literally think she did a tumbling pass in the olympics when it happens. It's overwhelming sometimes but goodness it's adorable to watch them love her so immensely. Watching them meet Massey Ruth was truly one of my favorite moments of my life.

Our precious Massey Ruth is such a special gift from God. We feel this way about each of our children but she's and extra reminder of God's grace and goodness. He gives the most gracious perfect gifts even when we don't even cognitively desire them. We've been quite open about our personal conviction to surrender the number and timing of our children to the Lord but it doesn't mean we still don't in our flesh have preferences. With my health issues and trying to get to the bottom of them, my preference then would have been to wait a bit before getting pregnant again. But praise God that His infinite plan is bigger than my finite brain. I can't imagine life without our sweet Massey Ruth. We've enjoyed her so so much and she's such a blessing to our family. We are so grateful that God would give her to us to love and disciple.

Levi's Birth Story

Malachi's Birth Story

Cora Mae's Birth Story

It's been an exciting few weeks around here as I hit 22 weeks today and a little over halfway to seeing this babe face to face. Two weeks ago our church celebrated 10 years since it's launch and it was so amazing to spend time reflecting on God's faithfulness to me personally and our church family over this past decade. It's still hard to believe that I moved to DE 9.5 years ago excited to join what God was doing at LifeHouse Church and that 9 years ago this month I met Joel for the first time. As a girl who lived by a "10 year plan" prior to God's calling in 2012, it's amazing to look all He's done in the last 10 that I would have never dreamed of, let alone planned.
We came off of that celebratory weekend right into another one in which we got to meet up with family and do a joint gender reveal with my sister. As soon as I my mom found out my sister was pregnant a few weeks after I did she immediately said "maybe we could do a joint gender reveal!" That sounded like a super fun idea but given that my family lives 9 hours away, all our schedules seem to be opposite, and my sister and I ended up being 7 weeks apart, I thought there was no way it could actually work out. But when my sister started mapping out when she would hopefully get her early blood work results and I would go for my 20 week anatomy scan, they both lined up in the same week and before a weekend where everyone's calendars were free. My mom and sis have always wanted us to do Great Wolf together sometime since they know the kids love it but have never been so we started seeing if we could find any deals and sure enough there was a great sale running right when we needed to book. There was still a part of me that couldn't believe it would actually happen and we'd both get our results in time but I was excited at the hope of it.
On Thursday morning last week, I went for my anatomy scan and was thankful baby cooperated for them to put the gender in . We left immediately afterwards for Williamsburg but were still awaiting my sister's results. Once we got there she called her doctor's office to have them give the results to Liv (our designated secret keeper) but they didn't have the results. We were disappointed but decided we'd wait til Friday to give it one more day. We had started getting dressed for the waterpark when about 30 minutes later Kate's doctors office called to say they got her results! It really is crazy how it all worked out and it was so so fun to get to find out the results all together.
My mom had made the kids all shirts that said Big Brother and Big Sister and they got to open gift bags revealing whether they were getting a Baby Sister or a Baby Brother --

The boys excitedly pulled out a PINK onesie - BABY SISTER!! 💖My niece (and sis) pulled out a BLUE onesie - BABY BROTHER!! 💙
Both dads got what they were hoping for and it was so fun to see their excitement! But my mom was the giddiest of all and still can't watch the video without crying.

Massey Ruth | We've had this name picked out for a girl very long time. Joel and I met at a Bible study at a friend's house on Massey Church Rd. It also happened to be the road I lived on while we were dating and engaged. I lived in a carriage house on a beautiful property there while I nannied a sweet baby girl and we got to have our wedding there. Given that we met and got married on that street, we've always wanted to incorporate Massey. Joel's great-grandmother's name was Ruth and she was a missionary to Morocco. To us it's so special that her heart for missions was a legacy for Joel and we're excited to give that name to our daughter. Joel's sister Jessica's middle name is Ruth also which just adds to the sentiment. Massey will be another double first name just like her sissy. Her anatomy scan showed that she's around 1 pound which is right on track! She's so wiggly and I'm loving feeling all her kicks. (Yes it's still weird to me to say HER.)

Momma | Everyone keeps asking if I'm shocked we're having another girl and the answer it YES. But unlike the last time, my surprise came in layers and not in one major moment. From before I was ever pregnant again I immediately assumed our 4th would be another boy. I've always imagined myself as a mom of lots of boys and honestly never imagined us having a balanced number of boys and girls. This assumption only deepened when I was craving cheeseburgers like I did with Malachi's pregnancy.
The first thing that made me start to question this was my 16 week scan at our local pregnancy center where they are training ultrasound techs. Even though they weren't looking for gender (because we told them not to) one of trainers ended up landing on a potty shot while getting one of her needed views. It was brief and I'm not an ultrasound tech but I couldn't help but notice that it looked like a girl and not a boy. So I of course googled and in doing so came across the Nub Theory which I don't remember seeing before. It has to do with angles of the spine and the genital nub that you can see as early as 12 weeks if at the right angle. Looking back at our ultrasounds that too made me think maybe we were indeed having a girl. I honestly was excited to not feel so one-sided on my guessing because then I knew I would be thrilled AND surprised either way.
In my 20 weeks scan, I told them I only wanted the gender in an envelope and didn't want to know in the room so she had me turn my head while she scanned legs and anything in that direction. She'd told me I could look again and was back to the abdomen to get a few more things. A few minutes later I saw her notating "RT OVARY".... bahhh. I tried to turn my head and pretend I didn't see but then she said "Yeah we don't look for them but since I can see her ovaries I'm going to go ahead and note them." I'm not sure if she was talking to me or the tech she was training but AHHHH haha. I was laying there in the room trying to contain my surprise and excitement. She never acknowledged that she goofed and neither did I but my thoughts began racing of another baby girl. By the time the boys pulled out a pink onesie, it was just the formality for me but I really enjoyed getting to take in everyone else's reactions a little more since my surprise had already happened.
I really didn't have a preference but I'm definitely getting excited to have another sweet girl, watch the sister bond, and enjoy all the matching sister outfits. Physically, I'm not feeling great but I am feeling functional. We had some sickness in our house this last week and while it' passed fairly quickly for each of us, it was definitely a major setback in fatigue for me. I'm only nauseous if I let myself get hungry so I'm thankful for that.

Daddy | Joel is so excited to be having another little girl. He's said from the beginning that he would love for Cora Mae to have a sister close in age like the boys have each other. Cora Mae is quite the Daddy's Girl and I imagine Massey Ruth will be the same. Joel actually was very surprised when the boys pulled out the pink onesie. I had told him after the ultrasound that they slipped and showed me reproductive organs and I was pretty sure I knew what we were having. He requested I just not say anything and just have him find out for sure in a few hours. I was really glad because I wanted to see his surprise in the moment.

Big Siblings | The kids are all very excited to be having a little sister! The boys had initially voted boy but by within the last few weeks they'd joined Daddy in saying the hoped Cora Mae got a sister. Levi resolved that it was great either way because if it was boy then they would be "really in the lead" (4-2 because they include Joel and I in their count) but if it was a girl we'd be tied and Cora Mae would have a sister buddy. Malachi says "Massey Roof" soooo cute in his little three year old voice and I'm excited to hear that hundreds more times. While in the beginning Levi was way more affectionate and excited than Malachi, he's definitely caught up now and is constantly coming up and loving on my belly and talking about Massey Ruth in there. Cora Mae seems to be understanding more and more. Now she randomly and without prompting will want to kiss my belly and say baby over and over. I'm working on teaching her to add "sister" to that baby.

To sum it up, we're all very excited and a little in shock to be welcoming another girl in the Miller home! We are so thankful for these 4 precious gifts God has blessed us with.
My random polling question -- Did any of you who wanted to be surprised end up finding out in the room accidentally?

This past Saturday I hit the 15 week mark which I'm still trying to wrap my head around. A friend this week said I feel like I've missed half your pregnancy and I said "well we all have given I didn't find out until almost 7 weeks." Maybe it was the shock of this one amidst the confusing health issues or the delayed knowledge of it or the reality that the 3 out of my womb keep me quite busy these days, but I feel like it's really just now sinking in that we're getting to do this all again. These every 5 week updates were something I've done through all my pregnancies and I'm going to try to keep it up again. (we'll see ha) I mainly enjoy having it all recorded in a similar place but am also happy to share them for those of you out there who love the details like I do. (If you missed our announcement and how we found out you can read that HERE)

Little Baby | Levi has been constantly referring to this one as "little baby" (as opposed to "tiny baby" when it was Cora Mae and "my baby" when it was Malachi). By the next time we write we'll know the gender and name of "Little Baby" but for now we stick with his nickname. Little Baby is the size of an avocado, has been very active on our ultrasounds, and has started practice breathing and swallowing. Its so amazing to me how quickly they grow and and have all their functioning organs. It's a miraculous design that's for sure.

Momma | I have been feeling some better. More energy and less nausea both of which I'm thankful for. While I'm still not back to my "normal" pregnant self, I'm thankful for improvement and that also my recent bloodwork came back normal. My new integrative medical NP is running some further bloodwork to look into the possibility of Lyme and Mono. At this point I'm just thankful that it doesn't seem to be affecting my liver function currently nor the pregnancy from what we can tell. I've enjoyed feeling a few flutters here and there this last week or so and am looking forward to more distinct kicks hopefully coming soon. I've been craving Chick-Fil-A fries with extra ketchup (something I've loved every pregnancy) and cheeseburgers (what I also craved during Malachi's pregnancy). While I'm feeling tired and weird about food and also having back pain, I still very much enjoy being pregnant. Getting to experience this miracle is something that doesn't get old for me and I just feel very thankful.

Daddy | At this point, Joel knows the drill and is really great about letting me get extra sleep and bearing with all my weird food desires and dislikes. He's been doing even more cooking than his typical and thankfully he's really good at it. (Definitely more creative than I am in that area.) We've enjoyed him having December and January off of seminary and have enjoyed getting to watch a show or play a board game after the kids are in bed now that I can stay up past 9pm again. He's excited to find out the gender soon and see if we even the score (his vote) or add another to boy pack (my vote). We both really are so happy either way.

Big Siblings | Levi is giddy as ever and is constantly saying how happy is that God gave us this little baby and prayed yesterday morning that the baby would grow up to believe in Jesus. (Cue my heart melting.) Him and Malachi have both been extra snuggly to me and my belly these last few weeks and have definitely started noticing how much bigger my bump is getting. Malachi likes to randomly run up and say "You have a baby in there!" haha. He loves talking about what we're going to name the baby and really enjoys looking at the ultrasound photo he was given. Our local Christian pregnancy center is training new ultrasound techs and has needed people to practice on so we've been able to go twice all together as a family and see the baby. They've loved that and insist that the baby was waving at them. (It really did look like it both times.) I don't think Cora Mae quite realizes what's going on yet though she will point at my belly and say baby. I'm excited to see how she is closer to time and am hoping that she follows in her bubbas' footsteps of not being jealous but just excited. That's going to take some progress as right now she doesn't even like to share Daddy with her big brothers haha.

Polling question (I always enjoy doing these) -- What was your strangest pregnancy symptom? Mine for me is that I struggle with carpal tunnel numbness and pain at night. But only during pregnancy.
Previous 15 Week Updates:Cora Mae'sMalachi'sLevi's

Before we ever got married Joel and I made the decision to leave the timing and number of our children in the Lord's hands. While our last two gaps were very similar (2yrs 5mo between Levi and Malachi - 2yrs 4mo between Malachi and Cora Mae), we're also realistic in knowing that the Lord's timing doesn't always follow patterns. So in early August when I started having waves of nausea, random hormonal headaches, and extreme fatigue, I was certain that I was pregnant. My cycle was late so I tossed a pregnancy test in our next grocery delivery but I honestly felt like it was just a formality. I began looking up "4th child announcements" and thinking about another Spring baby. I was 5 days late when I finally tested and was shocked to see only one line show up and even more confused when my cycle restarted 2 days later.
I continued to feel rough and very similar to when I'm 1st trimester pregnant and even took another test just to be sure. The next couple months were very confusing with unexplained symptoms and doctors appointments without any real answers. In Sept I even had a faint positive pregnancy test but the bloodwork showed 0 HCG and an ultrasound confirmed no baby. My cycles had become completely irregular and I was really just baffled by it all. I was due for a colonoscopy anyways (because of family history) so my GI scheduled a colonoscopy and endoscopy for Nov 12 to see if that gave us any answers.
By the time that week arrived I was incredibly desperate for answers as the last month had been so much worse. My stomach was always a wreck, the fatigue had me on the couch most afternoons and evenings, and the back
and hip aches were keeping me awake many nights. On Nov 10th I went to Walmart to get my preparation supplies for the procedure and threw a pregnancy test in the cart. I even told my friend who was with me "I don't think there's any chance I'm pregnant but I'm late and I know I'll have to assure them for my procedure that I'm not pregnant."
The next morning (Nov 11th) I woke up dreading my colonoscopy prep (if you know, you know) and remembered I needed to take the test. Even as I took I said again to Joel, "I don't think I'm pregnant but I'll have to tell them for sure tomorrow...." and literally as I finished that sentence I immediately saw a dark 2 lines and said ".... and it's positive." Cue the surprise and confusion. I wish I could tell you we joyfully celebrated in that moment but after the "false positive" (or whatever that was) in September and all that had transpired since August we were honestly just baffled.
My mind was all over the place. I couldn't start my colonoscopy prep and have that procedure if I was pregnant but I certainly didn't want to cancel it and lose my spot if I wasn't actually pregnant. I immediately started making phone calls to try to get in for an ultrasound somewhere that day. I eventually found a place up in Wilmington that could get me in around lunch time. Joel worked from home so the boys could just stay here and watch TV and my friend Liv rode with me so Cora Mae could get a nap and stay in the car.
I went into the ultrasound still fully expecting to be told there was no baby there and that maybe the cyst on my right ovary was causing the positive test. But as I lay there looking at the big screen in front of me, I saw the tech type "gestational sac" and then "fetal pole" as she started measuring. I noticed a flicker and realized that was my baby's heart beating before my eyes. I said "so I am actually pregnant?""Yep! And your baby is measuring right on track. 6 weeks 5 days." I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud. Excitement. Shock. All the emotions. She handed me photos and told me Congratulations as she left the room.

I stopped in the entrance of the medical build to call Joel and tell him the news that I actually was pregnant and nearly 7 weeks along ha. I don't remember all of his next response but it definitely included: "No way. That's crazy. Another squishy baby." Noticed the completely shocked theme we have going here haha. It only continued as I got to the car and held up my ultrasound photo for Liv saying "Meet Baby Miller #4."
On the trip home I called to cancel my colonoscopy and got to enjoy lunch (a much more minimal welcomed surprise in my day). Once I got home and let Joel see the photos, we together told the boys. Levi was so excited lit up and covered his head with a blanket while saying "are you serious?!" Followed by "So that's why you've not been feeling good. I was thinking that was the problem." HAHA. Malachi stayed was incredibly quiet until I asked what the thought. He responded "Good!" ha and then when we asked if they thought it was a boy or girl he jumped in quickly with "BOY"... to which Levi of course agreed. Cora Mae still doesn't fully understand but she is learning to say the word baby and the boys have been teaching her to point to my belly when she's asked "where's the baby?"

It's taken week or two for it to really sink in this time but we are so very excited and thankful for another sweet blessing from the Lord! The gift and miracle of getting to carry a child in my womb is never lost on us. We are praising our amazing Creator knowing that every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Every time I'm pregnant it brings me back to the months we longed and prayed for a child and makes me feel even more blessed that God didn't just give us one child but now 4 precious gifts. If you're reading this and heart is mixed with joy for us but ache for you as you wait for a baby like we were 7 Christmases ago please know that you're thought of and prayed for even as I write this. I know we'll never fully understand the Lord's timing but I hope you know that He hears your prayers and sees your pain and loves you deeply.
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A Few Common Questions:
Are the boys excited? VERY! Malachi has expressed more excitement over time but Levi is over the moon. The kid is always talking about "the little baby in your tummy" and calculating our number of family members. "Mommy we have 2 babies in the car with us." He loves to talk to the baby saying "Good morning Little Baby." "This is your first Christmas." He's a hoot. He also informed us that, "Since you and Daddy got to name Cora Mae, me and Malachi get to name this baby." He was quickly corrected haha.
When are you due, how far along are you, and what's your gap this time?July 2nd and Cora Mae will be a couple months shy of turning 2 (Sept 22) and I'm currently 9 weeks and 3 days (we found out almost 3 weeks ago)
How are you feeling? What about the other health issues? Honestly I feel really rough. I've been incredibly nauseous this time and extremely tired. I think it's been more intense because of whatever else is going on with my body given that I already didn't feel well but it's been nice to be able to mentally attribute some of the yucky feeling to this very welcomed blessing.
I'm still getting some tests done to figure out the rest of my health. My liver and spleen are enlarged which we want to get to the bottom of. I have an appointment with a new integrative medicine doctor on Jan 4 and I'm hoping they'll be able to look at the whole picture and find some answers. Please pray with us that whatever is going on doesn't affect my pregnancy or the baby.
Do you have any guesses Boy or Girl? Will you be finding out? Well you already know Levi and Malachi's vote (BOY). Joel is voting girl. I don't have a real preference either way. I love the thought of Cora Mae having a sister close in age but I also love that we still have a strong "boy feel" in our house so I'd be thrilled to add another son and Cora Mae be the only girl for a bit longer. I constantly say that I'm so glad we don't have to choose and the One who knows best has already decided. I'm currently very much craving salty/savory food which more so mimics my pregnancies with the boys but it's still pretty early in the game to be guessing.
We will be finding out. Now that we have one of each I would be slightly interested in being surprised but Joel has no desire to wait ha. He's offered that he could find out and me not know but there's no way that would last. We plan to find out around 20 weeks with the anatomy scan. (We opt not to do the early genetic screening.)
Why do you share so early? This is actually the latest we've ever shared. Mainly because it's the latest we've ever found out and I've been way too tired to stay up and night and write this announcement. But I wrote this when we announced our first pregnancy at 6 weeks and while this is slightly different because we're clearly no longer struggling to conceive, it captures the reasons we've decided to share our news before I'm out of the first trimester. Plus there's no way my boys could keep this secret hah.
----
I think that's all for now. I'm going to try to keep up with my every 5ish weeks updates but we'll see how that goes. Thank you for sharing in this joy with us and for those of you who've already been praying for my health and this sweet baby!

It's been a little over 3 months since our sweet Cora Mae made her grand exit from my womb. We are fairly certain that this little miss came into existence on the first day of 2020 so I find it fitting to share her birth story on the last day of this wild year. 2020 will hold a lot of emotional memories for everyone I'm sure but most of my favorite memories of this year involve this beautiful gift from God -- our Cora Mae.

---

Everyone kept prepping me that the third birth could be a “wildcard” and that it could got much differently than my others. I was hopeful for quicker delivery and prepped for different but surely never could have expected the events of Cora Mae’s birth day.

My first birth was an induction at 34 weeks due to preeclampsia. It took around 48 hour and spanned from Thursday around noon (Christmas Eve) to Saturday around noon. (Read Levi’s birth story here.) My second birth I had prodromal labor for almost two weeks and was scheduled for induction on my due date (Monday May 21) because of my history with preeclampsia. On Sunday the 20th I did some natural things to try to push my body on into active labor. I feel like my body was already shifting that way but I wanted to give everything a shot before going the Pitocin route again. I went into the hospital Sunday night with contractions and it was a 19 hour labor before seeing sweet Malachi’s face. The birth wasn’t quick and neither was transition. (Read Malalchi’s birth story here.)

All the being said, I’d had many conversations with my midwife and a had a birth wishlist to take with me to the hospital. As long as my blood pressure was stable she was willing to let me go to 40.4wks before approaching a more natural induction. She knew I wanted as little intervention as possible and was on board with that. Because I was group B strep negative and my other labors hadn’t been quick she was comfortable with me laboring at home until my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart. This was the “plan” we discussed. I should also mention that this birth specifically I’d done a lot of reading and prepping and praying to trust the way God made my body through birth and not be afraid of the pain that would inevitably come.

Wednesday September 16th | 38wks 6days

I had been really crampy all night and was hopeful that I would be dilated some when my midwife went to strip my membranes. Much to my surprise and hers though I was still so closed up that she couldn’t get in to strip my membranes. She reminded me that didn’t mean labor wouldn’t start on its own and that all of that could change on a dime. I knew that but I was a little disappointed and I could tell she was too. I kept reminding myself that God already had her birth day picked out and whether it was on my own or through induction with my midwife - it would be just as He intended. As ready as I was to see her face, I wasn’t in a hurry but I did desire to go on my own.

Friday September 18th | 39wks 1day

I went for out for a Playa Bowl and a pedicure (with foot massage) with a friend. I had 4 contractions within the first 30 minutes afterwards and thought maybe things would pick up but they quickly dissipated.

Saturday September 19th | 39wks 2days

We went to Joel’s family reunion in PA for the day. I started having some contractions in the late afternoon and they continued to be pretty strong as we did the hilly drive back home that evening. They were about 10-15 minutes apart. I knew it wasn’t anywhere close to active labor but was hopeful that it might be the start. They came throughout the night and had me just uncomfortable enough not to sleep but not enough to make me get out of bed. At some point in the middle of the night the intensity of them calmed down enough for me to sleep and they lost any sort of pattern. (Very similar to the prodromal labor I experienced with Malachi’s birth.)

Monday September 21st | 39 wks 4days

It was Joel’s birthday so we spent the day celebrating him. He was hoping she’d be born on his birthday but at no point during the day did I think he might get that wish. I was still crampy and having random contractions but nothing that made me think she was coming soon.

Tuesday September 22nd | 39wks 5days

First Day of Fall

3:30AM —

I woke up around 3:30am to a contraction. After a few minutes of dozing, I woke up to another one. I went to pee and decided I was going to lay through them and rest until I couldn’t anymore or they went away (what I was expecting). They didn’t go away but I could lay through them and sleep between them so that’s what I did. Until just before 7am.

7AM —

Around 7 I texted my friend Kristina (who helped during Malachi’s delivery and planned to help me labor at home before heading to the hospital) and said "I'm nervous to say this given that my brain plays so many tricks on me... but I think today might be the day." I took a shower and washed my hair and sat on the ball beside my bed. By that time Joel was up and I told him I felt pretty confident it was Birth Day! He went down and made me some breakfast. The contractions were steady and stronger than the prodromal ones I would get but not crazy painful and easy to work through. We decided to have everything packed in Joel’s truck and send him on to work until I reached a point that I needed his support to work through them. We had friends (who are like family) in from out of town and were staying with us that week. The kids were completely covered with care without having to make any calls because they were here.

9AM—

The contractions were coming every 5 minutes or so. Still strong but not crazy painful. I lost my mucus plug around 9:10 and finally let myself get excited that this really seemed as though it was for sure Birth Day.

10AM—

Because my friend Jenni was in to visit, our previous Bible Study group (that she hosted before she moved) was all getting together at my house to visit and catch up. I knew that the few women coming would be perfect company for me in early labor and that if at any point I needed to retreat to my bedroom, they would completely understand. I was enjoying chatting and eating Ms Debbie’s blueberry bread in between contractions and could easily work through them standing and swaying when they did come. Ms Debbie kept telling me I was going to have the baby right here and that if I did she was leaving haha. At her insistence, I started timing them again and was surprised to find that they were now 7-8 minutes apart. The fact that they were getting stronger and more painful made me still pretty confident it wasn’t a false alarm. As they got stronger my friend Keinna jumped right in and started rubbing my back during contractions and when she had to step out to take a call, Rachael stepped in her spot. It really was the perfect way to spend my morning in early labor. It helped me be distracted in between contractions and gave me a team of support during them.

11:30AM—

Around this time our group was starting to wrap up and my contractions were getting more intense so I texted Joel to tell him to go ahead and wrap up and come home but no huge rush. I also texted my friend Kristina and told her I was ready for her support when she wanted to head over.

12PM—

Kristina got to my house a little after noon and soon after Joel called saying he was on his way home and was going to pick up lunch. After a little bit of chatting and assessing and timing contractions (still 7-8 minutes apart) Kris suggested we go for a walk to try to get them closer together. We were all guessing and hoping for an evening delivery which I was encouraged by. At this point I wasn’t desperate for it to go faster, I was just thankful it was happening on its own.

1PM—

We were getting ready to head out on a walk around the time Joel arrived. I was still planning to go on and eat much lunch when I got back. As we headed out and greeted Joel I had a couple contractions where I felt a little nauseous. Then I realized it was way hotter and muggier than I expected on the first day of Fall. These things combined made me decide to nix the walk and eat lunch and get in the shower instead. When I walked upstairs to my room, Kris warned me that I would have a couple back to back from the stairs and that then they would space out again. That happened and then I stood at my dresser and enjoyed my lunch between contractions.

At 1:36 I was getting in the shower. (Kris decided to double as photographer a little bit and I’m thankful for the time stamps especially.) At first when I got in the shower I was listening to worship music and the water was helping me work through them and I felt like I was still getting a good break in between. After a couple in the shower, I had her call for Joel to come up and get his trunks on so he could get in and rub my back. We started talking about our “go to hospital plan” and agreed that when they hit 4 minutes apart we’d start heading that way. I remember her saying during this that she was guessing I’d deliver sometime in the evening that if she were guessing based off her experience I was probably around the 5-6 range. I was encouraged by that and still didn’t feel desperate for it to hurry. I was in pain during the contractions but (as opposed to Malalchi’s delivery) didn’t feel overwhelmed by it and felt really clear of mind in between. Somewhere in this conversation I asked if she thought she could ride the hospital with us and have one of her family members pick her up there (since only 1 support person was allowed in with COVID restrictions). She thankfully said absolutely.

After Joel helped me through a couple contractions in the shower, I suggested we started timing them again because it seemed as if they were getting closer together. Kris had already noticed this and was already working on it. I had a couple more contractions back to back and she told Joel it was time to get dressed and get moving. In approximately 45 minutes, my contractions had gone from 7-8 minutes apart to 2ish minutes apart and I was for sure in transition.

We began the process of heading out but it was just that — a process. My contractions were coming quick which meant I had very little time to do anything else. I got out of the shower and had a contraction. I dried off and had a contraction. I got halfway dressed and had a contractions. Then the rest of the way dressed and had contractions. Down the stairs. Contraction. And so on. There’s a picture of me telling my kids bye at 2:18 but even once we got to the van I had a few contractions before we got the luggage from out of the trunk (where I wanted to labor) to the front seats (where we originally thought I’d be riding). I should mention here that we ALL (except maybe Jenni) still thought we had plenty of time for me to get to the hospital — I was just dreading laboring on the ride.

I climbed in the van and got on my knees laying over my birthing ball. Thankfully they had put a blanket under me so that I wasn’t on the clasps where the 3rd row locks in. Kristina was in the back with me to help me through contractions and Joel was driving. This is where labor got tough for me. I had been in a rhythm of swaying and squatting and managing them that way but once I was “stuck” in the van, I was in significantly more pain. I had 3 contractions on the way out of the back of our neighborhood and thought “this is going to be a long 20 minute trip.” I remember sitting at the light to get on the four lane for what felt like forever and just being so ready to get out of the van to labor.

I remember so much about the drive.Kristina texting my mom a picture (2:28) and her replying that she was jealous we were partying without her. Literally thanking God out loud that I had gone into labor on my own. Kristina cracking up talking about what the people behind us must have thought. Joel worrying that he was going to get pulled over for speeding. Going over the rt 1 bridge and feeling relieved that we were about halfway there. And then…

Pop. The first contraction after the bridge my water exploded. Not broke. Exploded. I had on yoga pants and literally the water splashed against the back glass of my van. Joel heard it break all the way up front even over the music. Kristina told Joel to call and let them know they needed to be ready. That my water had broken and they needed to be waiting on me at the door. I couldn’t communicate it immediately but at this point I realized we weren’t making it there with her inside me. I instantly felt her engage and knew no amount of deep breathing was going to keep her in another 6-7 minutes.

As the next contraction started I said “Can you pull my pants down? I feel like I need to push” and Kris encouraged me to just breathe and not push. I said “Kris, can you pull my pants down she’s coming out.” Joel’s relaying all of this on 911 - little did we know they were telling him to just hurry and get to the hospital all the while Kris was telling him to pull over. I remember Kris saying “Joel, I am in the car with you. Listen to me. Pull over.” (Haha y’all she’s the bomb.) Joel pulled over at the Rt 1/13 split. As he opened the hatch Kris had just got my pants down and sure enough he could already see her head. Without me intentionally pushing at all she rocketed out as Kris caught her (or broke her fall as Kris says ha).

At approximately 2:43(?) — an hour after that picture of me laughing in the shower— Cora Mae Miller was born in my Kia Sedona on the side of Rt 1. Haha. I chuckle just typing that.

All the next moments were a bit comical too. Once she was out and crying a little and we knew she was good I was trying to get turned over to hold her but the cord made it a bit like a maze. After a little maneuvering we figured it out and she got laid right in my arms. The sweet bliss of holding my daughter in my arms for the first time. Cars zoomed by going 70+ MPH (the scariest part of this all) and “angel Bill” as we call him stopped to help while we awaited the ambulance. He put out cones and tried to flag traffic to the farther lanes. Meanwhile Kris had told Joel she needed a towel and Joel says he ran a random lap around the car with all the adrenaline to come right back to the trunk and remember he had one right there ha. 911 timed 4 minutes and told them to tie of the cord with some sort of string. My shoelace had to do.

Soon after that the paramedics got there and a firetruck to block off the lane closest to us. They cut the cord and got us both out and onto the stretcher. Joel got to hold her (an snap a pic) while they got me out. In the ambulance ride she nursed and I delivered the placenta and I chatted with a sweet EMT named Lucy as I told her that was my Grams’ name who Cora Mae was named after. We got to the hospital and beautifully bypassed triage and was taken straight up to a room. It felt like a VIP pass with numerous people congratulating us along the way. I had to chuckle because I got one of the new L&D rooms with a big shower. My midwife had hoped I’d get one of those so I could more easily labor in the shower… turned out I wouldn’t need that. Or that birth wishlist that I’d made.

The next 24 hours were in the hospital and they were incredibly smooth. Apparently if you have a baby in a van, no one will argue you on your requests. Ha. After a couple visits from friends (one at a time of course), checking off all the discharge list, and Joel doing a basic car cleanup (because it smelled that bad) we headed home for Cora Mae to meet her Bubbas. They were so crazy giddy and obsessed from the very first moment. I'm so thankful our friend Steph was there to document all their excitement.

3 months later and they still are giddy and obsessed. We’re all quite smitten. She’s the sweetest little pea with the biggest grins and this ONE adorable dimple. She’s usually super chill but when she gets feisty she goes there rather quickly… just like her birth. I still can’t believe it’s her story, our story. We are so incredibly thankful that everything went as smooth as it did. We certainly wouldn’t have chosen it but we also wouldn’t trade it. At my 6 week postpartum checkup my midwife said “i know it was in your van but you kind of got everything you wanted” and she was right. I wanted an intervention free delivery where my body just got to do it’s thing and that’s exactly what I got. I’m thankful that God in His goodness had prepared me to trust Him in this, placed the exact support people I needed with me, gave me so much peace throughout the entire delivery, and blessed us with our precious Cora Mae.

Some FAQs:

(If you have one that’s not hear just comment it. - I’m happy to answer.)

— Why didn’t you go to the hospital sooner? A couple reasons. I was trying to avoid being there for a long time as I knew that would be more time I would have to deal with interruptions to my labor. Also, I knew I could only have one support person and wouldn’t be allowed to walk the halls due to COVID which made me want to put it off even longer.

— Why didn’t you just stay at home and call an ambulance? Because none of us thought I wouldn’t make it in time. We joke that even once on the way Kris was still predicting between 4 and 6pm. The sudden urgency didn’t hit until my water broke.

— Were you scared? Freaking out? No. Honestly. The scariest part was sitting on the side of the road holding my brand new baby watching cars fly past so close.

— What will you do differently next time? Next time I would love to have a home birth if I can work it out with a midwife. If I can’t, I will head to the hospital right away and likely walk around the hospital until I’m ready to be admitted.. and then insist they leave me alone because I had my last one in the minivan. 🤣

— How bad was the damage to your car and did you get it detailed? Well… it was pretty gross and stinky. Joel did the initial cleanup to try to get it to a place we could ride home in without gagging. A dear dear friend to us called several places trying to find somewhere to detail it but because it was bodily fluids it was considered biohazard and they couldn’t take it. Our friend insisted that he would detail it. I tried to refuse but this man has the biggest servant’s heart and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Not only did he clean the back of it, he detailed my entire car. It literally looked like we were driving it off the lot. For the first few times I got back in it afterwards, I just cried. Talk about an act of service. Talk about showing the love of Jesus.

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