My heart breaks even as I address you....
I know it's been eating at you for a couple weeks already. The commercials. The cards. The storefronts. The flower stands. The dread for Sunday.
As if you needed any more reminders that no one calls you "mommy."
I mean it's not like you go to Target without seeing tons of moms with kids in carts and baby's on board. It's not like you can successfully get groceries at Walmart without passing the baby section... why do they place that between the food and the cleaning supplies? It's not like every other Sunday isn't already a challenge to get out the door with no kids in tow.
I know you want to go back to ease of celebrating your mom and grandmas without those nagging thoughts. The thoughts of what could have been and might could be. I know you miss those days where you joyfully applauded the mothers as they stood without any feeling of being forgotten. I know you would love to see it as another day to gather with family and feel only excitement without grief.
But I also know you can't go back.
You can't help but wonder:
When will I be in the "stand" crowd?
Will I ever know that joy?
Does the pure excitement ever return?
Last year on Mother's Day we were 7 months into this struggle to conceive.
I was sure by now I would be a mom.
I hope that for next year. I pray that for next year.
But here's what I know and I want you to know.
For the daughter of Christ reading this post.... your longing will end.
I pray it ends with a baby in your arms and many on your lap.
I pray it ends with a triumphant story of a wonderfully filled womb.
I pray that someday Mother's Day brings you flowers and standing and only a memory of this.
BUT.... if it doesn't... your longing will still end.
It may not end on this side of Heaven.... but it will end.
One day you and I will be with Christ in glory and nothing else will matter.
No longing, pain, or emptiness will remain.
I pray that you and I don't have to wait that long for the longing to cease.
But I find in comfort knowing that even if we do, one day infertility, loss, grief, and barrenness will simply be no more.
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.
Revelation 21.4
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