I should start out by telling you that being open about our struggle wasn't optional for us. My husband and I wanted kids right away and were very open about our conviction to not use birth control. Therefore by the time month 7 or 8 arrived, most of our family and friends knew our path wasn't going as planned. I came to a point with my blog in August that I couldn't write anything else until I shared about our struggle. Yes, I have chosen to continue the sharing and have chosen the degree but keeping it a secret was never an option for me. And to be honest, I'm thankful for that.
I know you're out there and I think of you often.
I see you in a room crowded with sweet babies with the same face of longing that I know all too well.
I notice when you like my status or comment that your praying.
I recognize you at the Walmart or the mall when you pass the baby clothes with the pause and half grin just like I do.
I know you feel the pain and the hurt just like I do, but you suffer silently.
Maybe you think I'm crazy for airing our struggle on the internet.... don't worry sometimes I do too.
Regardless, I've had you on my heart and there are some things I want to share with you.
Your struggle is not unnoticed.
I pray for you. I weep for you. I notice you. I break for you. And I am not the only one.
Even more than that, God knows your struggle and He doesn't overlook it.
I know that for every person in my life who messages me their story, there is another one of you out there pretending you're not ready for kids.
You need support.
I can't imagine going through this without the prayers and love of those surrounding me. Infertility is so hard that it's ranked up there with the stress of cancer. Hiding it from your closest friends and family may feel like protection from their unwanted suggestions but it will lead to a lonely valley.
You are not alone.
I know you must feel alone in your struggle. The reality is, sometimes I do to.
That's sad to say because I have women constantly messaging me their stories, follow tons of infertility blogs, and have several friends (local and distant) who are on this rocky road. Even still it's easy to be in worship, out shopping, or on social media and feel like you're the only barren girl in the world. 1 in 8 is the official statistic but some studies even say 1 in 6. You're not alone friend.
Lastly, I have a question... or maybe a request.
Would you consider sharing?
Obviously everyone isn't called to blog and share their entire struggle on the world wide web.
But would you consider sharing with your family? Bible study? Facebook page? or even just me?
As Christians, we are called to pray and mourn with one another. There are more people in your life than you realize who struggle daily with the brokenness of infertility. You sharing might help one more person find support, not feel alone, not go unnoticed.
Will people have well-intentioned, thoughtless responses? Of course they will. But it will be worth it.
My heart is not at all to tell you that you're not handling it properly or that sharing is the only right way. My heart is to see more women spread awareness, have support systems and find freedom from the weight that the secrets often bring.
This week on the blog my friend Christie shared her story of opening up about infertility after 5 years of secrecy. Hear about her feelings in the aftermath.
I would LOVE to hear from you. Whether you've been trying for 6 months or 6 years or have completely given up, I would love the chance to pray for you by name.
You can send private emails to brandymillerwriting@gmail.com .
If you're ready to take that step and share publicly, these are some great posts to share with those in your circle or on your friends list:
Also, don't miss these great testimonies of women on the other side of infertility:
Wishing you many blessings (and babies),
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