The last months of 2019 were an interesting season for us in the "family growing" department. It was a season of neutrality. See Joel and I decided before we ever got engaged (crazy I know) that were not going to limit the number or timing of children the Lord gave us. It's a decision that's very personal to us and we've always had great peace about. But even though our actions and beliefs have left the control in God's hands, we've certainly most often had preferences either way... such as when we first got married and desperately longed for a baby for 19 months before God said yes. And again when we longed and prayed for a year before I got pregnant with Malachi. And on the flip side when we were slightly terrified of me getting pregnant during the trying season that late 2018 brought us. Still yet all the while we tried to control it as little as possible.
After Malachi started walking back in June and learned to talk and play more he just progressively got easier and easier and I found myself less and less terrified. Not desperately longing to be pregnant again (although I do LOVE being pregnant) but more and more excited at the thought. (We would of course be excited about any baby even if we didn't prefer the timing but those of you who've been here know what I mean.) The last few months of 2019, I truly felt neutral when the telling time came around each month. Excited to rejoice if God said it was time to grow our family and also extra content if it was just going to be the 4 of us for awhile longer.
Then enter 2020... on January 18th Joel returned from a 11 day mission trip to Africa and us from time with family in VA. I had a sneaking suspicion that I might be pregnant based off some symptoms I'd had while he was gone. To be honest, every month I go through the mind game of thinking I might be pregnant even when I'm completely neutral but this time was different. After coming back into the whirlwind of Sunday and Monday busyness, he took Tuesday off to spend with us and catch up on stuff around the house. That morning when I woke up early to pee (something I usually only do when pregnant), I decided to take a test. Sure enough our sweet surprise blessing was confirmed!
(I had literally just rolled out of bed for this one but I regretted not documenting MY initial thrill and shock with Malachi so I was determined not to miss it this time.)
Apparently my giddiness and movement woke Malachi up but Levi and Daddy were still snoozing away. So the little one and I grabbed his new (originally Bubba's) "Big Brother" shirt and headed downstairs to wait.
Joel was the next one up so we just had the proof waiting on the table for him.
Joel says he was kind of excited but also like "ooooh boy" (-- read that with anticipation not gloom haha). I think his words to me were "I guess it's time for another squishy baby." We got to enjoy the excitement together for a little while before Levi came down. He came down and joined us at breakfast and we told him we had some exciting news. He immediately asked if we were going somewhere and we went ahead and shared the surprise that yes, we were indeed going somewhere. We were going to Great Wolf Lodge in 2 weeks and for the first time it would be with friends. He was very thrilled and enjoyed that surprise for a few minutes before we told him that we had another surprise. Mind you this is the kid who's been longing for a baby... when asked a few weeks before if he could have anything in the world what would he want, he replied "a baby." So we shared with him that we were having a baby and that I was pregnant. The kid was THRILLED.
We proceeded to tell Malachi and try to explain to him. I don't think he got it right away but after a couple weeks of Levi loving on the baby and talking about the baby in my belly daily, he's starting to get it. At first he was confused and also thought there was a baby in Daddy's belly but we quickly set that straight haha.
We spent much of the rest of our morning FaceTiming family to let Levi tell them his big news. As soon as talks of gender came up Levi quickly informed them that it was a boy. HA. We keep reiterating to him that we don't know yet but he keeps telling us that he knows it's a boy. It's hilarious really. We are truly thrilled either way but Levi might need a little extra love if we find out he's having a sister and not another brother.
These last few weeks have been so fun with him and Malachi. Malachi loves to yell "BABY" and point to really anywhere on my torso. Levi is a bit obsessive. First thing in the morning, "Good morning Mommy. Good morning Tiny Baby." He talks about the baby numerous times a day...
"The tiny baby is so cute."
"I'm so glad we have a tiny baby now."
"I love having another baby."
"Is the baby cold?" (sleeping, awake, etc)
I love how for him this baby isn't a hypothetical sibling he's receiving later but an actual gift already here because it is and we're all so thankful.
I went for blood work last week and my HCG was increasing as expected. My progesterone was a little low (like it has been the last 2 pregnancies) so I'm on a prescription for that. My first midwife appointment and ultrasound will be this Friday. I'm 7 weeks now. I feel nauseous and tired but thankful to feel nauseous and tired. The symptoms are honestly comforting to me as they're what I've experienced when pregnant in the past.
I was never someone who just wanted one or two kids and that's part of why infertility was so hard for me. I had always desired a big family and was certain we'd still have one but often wondered how many (if any) I would get to carry in my womb. Sitting here pregnant with my third child is every bit a dream come true and a beautiful prayer answered. We are grateful to God is the Author of Life and the Giver of every good and perfect gift. Please join us in thanking Him and praying for another healthy pregnancy like Malachi's.
-- As always, I never write this without knowing that there are MANY of you out there longing for your first, desperate for your second, or wondering if it will ever be your turn. I'm sorry. I'm truly so sorry. I don't know why God hasn't answered your prayers yet and I don't know why some wait longer than others. I know that these words won't take away the salt of yet another pregnancy announcement in your open wound but I wanted you to know you are not forgotten in the midst of my joy. May there never come a time in my motherhood that I don't think of, ache with, and pray for those of you waiting and hurting and I pray you know that as you read this. --
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