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about me
Hi there! I'm Brandy, the writer and photographer here at A Sweet Aroma. I hope you find this space to be one of encouragement at transparency as I blog and photograph my way through this beautiful life.
popular posts
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To the girl with baby on her Christmas list, I bet you feel like me this Christmas. You wish people would stop ...
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I've not been writing as much lately but it's not for lack of words. I'm blaming it on a combination of many extra naps, ...
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It had been about 9 months of trying when I first got the question. The one makes me have to pray for grace. The question itsel...
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This past week brought the unwanted reality that once again.... my womb is empty. This month the news crushed me more than normal...
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Hello again two week wait, I know I know, I've been trying to ignore you. I've been trying to "not think about" ...
I love this. I may be a mom now, but I went years & years with heartache [ 2 miscarriages] thinking I would never get to experience what all the mama's around me were blessed dealing with. <3
ReplyDeleteoh my heart aches as I read this. I am not yet a mom, and not yet trying to be, but I hope some day I will. I can't imagine the struggles you're going through but this was beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written - you're so right about "want-to-be mom" friends. I think people sometimes forget we exist too!
ReplyDeleteAshley thanks for stopping by! Praise God that you're now a mama :) Stories like that bless me so much!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the sweet words Kelly. It's a beautifully broken blessing... it's hard to explain.
ReplyDeleteSo true Elise! It's a very private struggle that some people choose not to share and sometimes even if we do, other moms forget about our feelings. I'm blessed with some really great friends who handle it well but I know many don't have that support :(
ReplyDeleteI know how u feel. I miscarried the first time and had some trouble getting pregnant. I hurts 2 see others with what u want. I do know God has the perfect plan and time. Since he is the author of the story just start praising him and enjoy your new husband. Read the story of David and Goliath. He was told he would b a king and then placed back n the field as a Shepard. He was n waiting. I wish I could do better with my waiting. I'm praying 4 u guys. Love ya girl!
ReplyDeleteLove you Jess! Strange you said that... I read through 1 Samuel & 2 Samuel over the summer and it was the first time that realization hit me. I imagined what it must be like to be him.... I feel the same way right now.... I know I'm supposed to me a mama but it's just not my time yet. (there's a blog in the making about this.) thanks for reading and for the encouragement :)
ReplyDeleteYes. This is me right now. My husband and I have been married for 6 months, gotten pregnant without trying and i have miscarried twice. It can be hard sometimes. Sending prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteMay I speak as an older sister-in-Christ? One who has been exactly where you are? I'll pray for you, but let me share with you what I would share with my younger self if I could. Your road is not unknown to me. It took close to 3 years for me to conceive. We went thru fertility treatments that never worked. I've miscarried. Praise the Lord, you've never yet had to hold the child your body rejected. All that to say, I know. I know what it's like to leave a party early because a friend told you she was expecting, and you just couldn't keep it together an other minute. I know. But this is what I'd tell myself.
ReplyDeleteOne year will feel like eternity, two will feel like you've died inside, by the time you start that 3rd year you'll be thinking about adoption. But be encouraged because something like 80% of couples conceive within 2 years unassisted. You're just starting that second year, and you've got (hopefully) 12 chances to conceive! (I only had about 2 chances during a year. My stats weren't that great.)
Once you get that precious little one, you can never go back. Of course, who would want to. But you'll miss the spontaneity with your husband; dates at Sonic at 12AM, weekend trips that you didn't plan till Saturday morning.
When you're on the flip side and celebrating birthdays, you'll realize just how short a year, or two, or three is. It's very sobering. You see that in the grand scheme of things you didn't have to wait so very long.
Just in case you consider me a hater and a know it all and you've not read any that I've written so far, let me say READ THIS one thing. Get your Free T3 and Free T4 thyroid hormones checked. You'll ask your fertility doc if he checked you thyroid and he'll smile, nod, and say yes, but he may have only checked your TSH. That's what mine did. It was totally normal. But I had zero, as in 0, nada, zip, zilch T4. It was my GP who looked at those numbers and put me on Synthroid. That's when it finally happened. Even if you doc checked T3 and 4, I would see a GP for a second opinion. Fertility doctors have one thing on their mind: money. They want you to have a baby using the most expensive methods. Synthrod's real cheap and they don't get any of the glory.
Lastly, fertility treatments will ruin your love life, if not your marriage. It's not worth it. When everything is calculated and prescribed by a doctor it gets to be a real drag. You don't want to do it because the doc said to. That's too personal. My marriage relationship took a big hit during treatments. Let me say it again, it's not worth it.
That's what I'd tell myself, but I wouldn't have listened to me. I'd have continued putting my life on hold while I waited for those two little purple lines to show up.
So sorry to hear that Hannah. Praying for you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah! Thanks for stopping by and pouring out your advice. As you probably read in there, I know this will all be a memory one day... but as I'm sure you know from experience, that doesn't take away the longing in the moment. Husband and I are definitely taking this time to enjoy just us and we LOVE this season... we just at the same time want a baby.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had my T3 & T4 checked that I know of! Thanks for the advice!
We made the decision before we ever started to not do fertility treatments. We are doing diagnostic stuff but have very clear lines drawn trying to protect our marriage. I won't even do ovulation kits because I refuse to be on a sex schedule and ruin that romance in our marriage.
Thanks for sharing your heart with me. It's always good for me to hear the testimonies of those who have gone through it and come out on the other side.
Sarah, I have to say, as a woman currently pregnant after five years and IVF, that I take great exception to your second to last paragraph. My marriage was strengthened by the teamwork of trying to conceive. Comforting each other through roughly 50-60 monthly heartbreaks is good practice in supporting each other while also grieving. It taught us selflessness, courage, faith, and perseverance, and proved that there's nothing the three of us (husband, God, I) can't do together. Infertility treatments were ABSOLUTELY worth it for us!! Not all journeys are the same, not all marriages are either. Brandy, if treatments are in your future, don't be afraid of them - go in with your eyes open and your husband's hand firmly in yours.
ReplyDeleteHey Katie! I am always so encouraged to hear of marriages that were stregthened through it. I know that it is such a beautifully rare occurrance. Due to personal reasons we have chosen no to do IVF or IUI.... not that we find them sinful or anything like that. I'm so glad y ou are now pregnant!!! :) I'm sure you are thrilled as you all prepare for your little one! I pray that as husband and I venture this journey together we will come out on the other side stronger and closer to God than ever. Thanks for sharing a piece of your story!
ReplyDeleteStopping by from The Morrell Tale -- I loved this post, so much! I can *kind of* relate. While I now have a baby, we did try for a year before we were blessed to get pregnant. So while I'm on the "other side" of the story, and didn't struggle for too much longer than is "normal" (I hated that, don't you?) I've been in your shoes, somewhat. I'll be praying for your sweet family, that a sweet babe while join you soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Britt! :) I so hate how that "normal" word they throw around... I' want to scream so what now? Im abnormal? haha... And truly any month of a longing womb is tough. I can remember hitting this point at 9mo that I thought I would lose my mind ha. Now I'm sitting at 16 and it still feels like an eternity ha.
ReplyDeleteHaha, you're definitely not abnormal :) The month I lost it was month 6. I was like 2.5 weeks late and I took a blood pregnancy test, and it was negative and then my period started on Valentine's Day. The worst! And you're so welcome :)
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