Daring to dream again.

While on the way out of town after Christmas adventures, Husband & I sat down for breakfast across from one of my dearest friends. She & I were the inseparable duo all through high school & though life has pulled us all over in the last 5 years, the friendship still remains. As we sat there in Chick-Fil-A looking at the year of ahead and the year behind, it was funny to compare them to where we dreamed we would be.   Setting high career goals and pursuing post-graduate degrees were pushed & expected when you sat in the top 5. So we, of course, went with the push. We didn't know any better.  I can look back & see that those dreams were birthed out of the American Dream, the drive for ambition, & the expectations of those around me.  Please don't misunderstand. I did & still do have a passion for taking care of people, a zeal for the study of the human body, and a desire for soaking up as much information possible. While I do think that passion, zeal, desire was given by my Creator, I can look back and see that the aspiration of going to medical school was not from Him.  I think God leads many Christians to be excellent doctors for His glory but it wasn't what He was telling me. It's what I was telling me. What the American Dream was telling me.  God brought me to an altar where the only acceptable sacrifice was my dreams.  I can remember standing on the right side of the auditorium when the band at The Well started playing a song that haunted me for months to come.  One line it rang in my head over & over  & over.  "More than all of my dreams, more than fame, I will seek you Lord."  These beautiful words of surrender penned by Hillsong can still stall my heart to this day. I spent many hours that Spring of 2012 asking the Lord,  "am I really seeking You more than all of my dreams?" I wasn't. And I knew it.  I knew it from the moment I heard that song and got a pit in my stomach. Fast forward 2.5 years later after laying down my dreams/degree/desire, following the Lord's leading to Delaware, marrying the man of my prayers, & about to take many new huge steps in my life.  In the meantime of sacrificing self-absorbed dreams, God has been birthing new dreams & goals in my life. It it with slight hesitancy & great fluidity that I begin this week on posting about dreams.  Since laying those huge dreams on the alter, I've been reserved about writing down, outwardly expressing, or passionately pursuing new dreams in my heart.  I blame this partially on fear of recreating my own pursuits again but if I'm being totally honest here, this has been partially due to fear of failure.   In this last year God has been showing me that NOT pursuing the dreams He has birthed in me is just as sinful as pursing the dreams He has not.  So here I am putting my dreams out there.  Holding myself accountable.  Proclaiming that "Here.I.come."  Here I come with fear that I won't make it. Fear that I'll at some point grab the reigns. Fear that I don't have the talent or the resources. Fear that these dreams will just be a list.  Fear that they'll never be accomplished. Fear that they will.  But don't worry. I'm also coming with faith that He will get me there. Faith that He'll keep my dreams constantly on the altar.  Faith that He is sufficient to use me. Faith these will be more than just a list. Faith that they will be accomplished. Faith that He will get the glory.  So join me tomorrow as I share my 10 {somewhat} secret dreams. Dreams that I'm going to start proclaiming & pursuing. Dreams that will shape this year for me. Dreams that will constantly be on the altar for God's taking or His leaving.  What "dreams" have you chased in life that you later saw weren't from God?  Do you struggle with following the dreams the Lord has birthed in you? I would love to hear! 


I'm writing about renewing my dreams today as part of a link up with The Peony Project. The Peony Project is a community for women who love Jesus, love blogging, and are looking for a common space to share ideas, encourage one another, and make real, honest friendships with one another.